Seven Steps that Rebuild Intimacy – A Seven Part Series

Here’s Step 2. Make sure you don’t miss any of these important steps. We’ll post one a day for each of the next five days. If you missed the beginning of the series, click here: Rebuild Intimacy – Part One

Step 2: Commit to the Discovery Process

Don’t squander your valuable time by playing mind games or expecting the other person to read between the lines. Protect this space so that honest communication can thrive.

For now, we suggest that you forgo discussing “who did what, when”, or trying to fix “problems.” The faster you can get under the surface of your discontent and reveal what you truly want, the sooner you can begin having a truly happy relationship.

We suggest you start your first dialogue by identifying what you each would value most in an ideal relationship–one that’s working, happy and satisfying. Rather than all the words and upset you may be experiencing now, what is it that you truly want to experience?

Is it caring, fun, and predictability, or is it freedom, inspiration, and respect? There are no rules about what you should want. Whatever it is for you is just fine. If you would like some support in this values discovery process, you are welcome to use our complimentary Values Exercise as a guide.

Read Part 3 of this 7 part series, or sign up for our RSS feed so you will be notified automatically when it’s posted.

Relationship Issues?

Do you ever find yourself worrying about your relationship–wondering if you’re even on the same page anymore? Are you mostly concerned about how to rebuild the intimacy you once had?

If any of this sounds familiar, don’t give up now, there is hope. It’s likely you still believe your relationship is worth some effort or you wouldn’t even be reading this article.

Read on and discover seven simple ways you can rebuild the relationship intimacy you once had. Learn how to heal old wounds so you can walk forward hand-in-hand with renewed hope for your future together.

Seven Steps that Rebuild Intimacy – A Seven Part Series

Make sure you don’t miss any of these important steps. We’ll post one a day for each of the next six days.

Step 1: Create a Safe Space for Open Dialogue.

Many experts will tell you simply to let your partner know how you feel, what you want, and how you want things to be. Then somehow, if you just get honest enough, everything will start to get better.

While we agree that honesty is the best policy, we also believe that how and where you begin this conversation makes a huge difference in the outcome.

We suggest that you start by creating a space for open dialogue–one with some communication guidelines that will help both of you feel safe and comfortable. Start by exploring whether there’s anything that would prevent either of you from speaking honestly.

We’ve found people are often worried about judgment, criticism and bringing up past wounds. Spend some time discovering anything else that might cause either of you discomfort about having this dialogue. Then come up with some guidelines that will create a safe space for both of you. Try these for starters:

• Agree that you’ll refrain from judging or criticizing your partner–or yourself.
• Agree that you’ll refrain from analyzing past events to determine who was right and who was wrong.

Add any other guidelines to your list that you believe will help you create a safe space for open, honest communication.

Read Part 2 of this 7 part series, or sign up for our RSS feed so you will be notified automatically when it’s posted.

Everything Old Is New Again

Have you ever noticed how everything seems to cycle back into popularity. Bellbottoms, guys with long hair, tie-dyed shirts–they all seem to be coming back in full force. We read somewhere that it takes about 40 years for things to get recycled back into popularity.

We’ve decided not to wait 40 years to bring back The Full Cup Test, an exercise that we used in our seminars awhile ago. We named this based on an old Zen story that goes something like this:

“Nan-in, a Japanese master during the Meiji era (1868-1912), was visited by a university professor who came to inquire about Zen. Nan-in served tea. He poured his visitor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. “It’s overflowing,” said the university professor, “no more will go in!” “Like this cup,” Nan-in replied, “you are full of your own opinions and speculations. How can I show you Zen unless you first empty your cup?”

It’s Hard To Receive When Your Cup’s Already Full

We just love what this story teaches and we strive to keep emptying our own cups so we’re able to continue learning new things. One way we do this is to think of the tea as a metaphor for the cultural beliefs that fill our minds. This tea comes in many varieties for us: beliefs about what life means, who we are, how we should act, and many others. These beliefs motivate our actions and dictate the direction we will take on our life’s journey.

Because of this, we often ask this question: Are the beliefs that I hold as the “truth” my own beliefs–ones that are truly in harmony with my personal values–or are they beliefs that were handed down from past generations and I have just adopted them unquestioningly?

Question Authority

As we start to question, we are able to empty our cups, which allows us to taste new and more satisfying varieties of tea. We believe this is essential for our continued learning and growth, and for us to evolve into the highest expressions of ourselves.

We also believe that our deepest discoveries emerge in relationship with others. Since we connect with others through language, the most powerful interactions happen through dialogue: sharing our stories, discoveries, and ideas.

To support this evolution in our community, we’re bringing back a modified version of The Full Cup Test. Our aim is to use this as a fun way to stimulate conversation that promotes self discovery. This time we are calling it:
Is It Really True? ~ New Rules For The Game Of Life Quiz

There are no right or wrong answers. Our goal is to stimulate dialogue about some of our commonly held cultural beliefs. The point is to ask yourself these questions and comment on what you discover:

• Do I believe this statement?
• What cultural belief is this statement based on?
• Is this belief in harmony with my personal values?
• Does it support me living consciously and in harmony with what I value most?

In the next few days we will be posting the first installment of this monthly quiz. So sign up for our RSS feed and look for the title, “Is It Really True?” Then drop by and start playing this game of self discovery by seeing if you agree or disagree with the first statement.

I came across this blog post today and it reminded me of a story I heard at a personal growth seminar I took some time back. The story goes something like this:

“As hectic as life is, and with as much going on as we all have, we can tend to feel stressed out. So we do our best to eliminate the stress from our lives. Since that’s impossible we work towards as much relief from stress as possible.”

At this point in the story they took a piece of chalk and said,

“So we go about our lives trying to stay as calm as possible, evening out all of the highs and lows of life.”

That’s when they drew a straight line across the chalkboard.

__________________________________________

Then they asked, “If you were in a hospital looking at your vital signs on a monitor, what would the nurses say if they saw this straight line?”

You guessed it, a flat line means you’re dead.

If you haven’t gotten it already… the point of the story is that life has its ups and downs. And some of those ups are actually the most exciting most integrating times of our lives. And some of the downs are our best learning opportunities.

So if we’re only willing to do things where we can stay calm, then we may be missing out on some of life’s most wonderful opportunities.

And as this blog post says, short term stress can actually be healthy for you!

With love,
Beth and Neill

If Obama’s campaign and McCain’s campaign could adopt this tone during the election, we believe we’d all be having a lot more fun. Watch the video and let us know what you think.

Sen. Barack Obama – 2008 Al Smith Dinner – Part 1

Sen. Barack Obama – 2008 Al Smith Dinner – Part 2

Sen. John McCain’s speech at the Alfred E. Smith Dinner on October 16th 2008 – part 1

Sen. John McCain’s speech at the 63rd Annual Alfred E. Smith Dinner – part 2

10/16 (Part 2) High Quality – Alfred E Smith Dinner – Roast – John McCain continues by addressing his calling Barack Obama “that one” and then says that Obama’s pet name for him is “George Bush”.

McCain: “George Bush Is My Pet Name” HQ (Part 2) Alfred E. Smith Dinner 10/16 – McCain Roast Obama Roast At Charity Event – John McCain’s Funny Comedy Speech At Al Smith Dinner – High Quality 10/16/2008

McCain and Obama speak at charity event Al Smith dinner 10/16/2008.

With laughter comes connection, with connection comes caring, with caring comes acceptance, and with acceptance comes peace and harmony.

With love and a strong desire for more peace and harmony,
Beth and Neill