Welcome back!

We were e-mailed this set of pictures by a friend. We were so touched we wanted to share them with you.

The story goes that these pictures were taken by a French photographer, who sold them for a nominal fee to the most popular newspaper in France. And that the newspaper edition was completely sold out on the day these pictures were published.

It’s a profound and deeply emotional story told in pictures.

Beware, it’s a tear-jerker.

Here the mate is injured and the condition is fatal.

Here he brought her food and attended to her with love and compassion.

Came back to bring her more food but was shocked to find her dead. He tried to move her.

Aware that his sweetheart is dead and will never come back to him again, he cried with adoring love.

He stood beside her, saddened by her death.

Finally aware that she would never return to him, he stood beside her body with sadness and sorrow.

Emotion is a funny thing. We can feel it, sense it in others, or see it on people’s faces or in their body language. These images and the story they tell are a great example. Some people think animals aren’t capable of the complex emotions ascribed to the bird in these pictures.

What do you think?

With Love,
Beth and Neill

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Happiness Is Within Your Reach

Do you want to be happier than you are at this moment? If so,  Have you spent any time thinking about what exactly it is that prevents you from being truly happy?  Don’t wait any longer, true happiness is only two conscious steps away.

Too many people count on others when they are pursuing happiness. We often expect that others will be the ones to make us happy, but, really, it is something we have to create ourselves. Instead of thinking that others should be nicer, more generous, more sensitive, or more whatever, we need to realize that the choice is our own if we want to be happy. Stop trying to change other people, and start making the only changes that will–in reality–make you happy.

You can have happiness in any relationship; the key is in your hands

When you spend your time and energy trying to fix other people, you actually cause additional problems and end up becoming less happy. More often than not the person you are trying to change becomes irritated, and gets defensive about you attempt to “fix” something about them. Then you are left feeling aggravated, out of control, powerless and more unhappy than before.

This is because most of us think that in order for us to ever really be happy, someone else has to change.  It’s Not True. The truth is, how you interpret what the other person says or does is the most beneficial thing to start changing.

Remember that what you focus your attention on grows. When you focus on how unhappy someone else is making you, you will essentially become more and more aware of how unhappy you are. It will become the thing that you notice most in your life.

As an example, do you live with someone that come home and scatter all of their belongings-their shoes, coat, keys, books, etc.-in a trail of debris throughout the house marking their course behind them? This most likely would be incredibly irritating to most people. If this sounds familiar, it probably leads you to constantly ask, “Why don’t you pick up after yourself?” You might end up spending a lot of time focusing on this problem. This causes you to notice every little thing that is left lying around and the problem just becomes even more irritating.

Don’t try to teach a pig to sing – it’s a waste of time and annoys the pig

Have you noticed that the constant nagging and reminders doesn’t actually lead to having them pick up their stuff? They still do it, day after day. Nothing changes except for your level of irritation-which grows. You are headed in the wrong direction-not toward happiness, that’s for sure.

To the person you live with, you just sound like a nag. They stop caring about the nagging and often end up completely ignoring you. The trail of litter still doesn’t get picked up. And you focus more and more on it.

What’s the secret to changing this pattern and becoming happier?

• Step one is to reinterpret the situation.
• Step two is developing the ability to focus your attention on what you enjoy.

These two steps are the fastest and easiest way to get yourself on the path to true happiness in your life.

For instance, if the person you live with comes home and spreads their belongings around the house, ask yourself the question: “what might be so important to this person that they would leave their stuff just lying around the house?”

You might guess that they just want things to be easy or have the freedom to do what they want–not being told what to do could be very important to them. Then try to begin and end each day reminding yourself of what you DO enjoy about your life with this person. Take some time to focus your attention on the happiness that you do already enjoy, and change your focus-away from the problems.

Perhaps thinking of it as an emotional “bank account” is a good analogy.  If you take each of your thoughts and make a deposit into your emotional “bank account,” then what you deposit will grow. Now, if you are consistently depositing negative thoughts and feelings, then these will grow. But, if you are depositing positive and happy thoughts, and reminders of the things you enjoy and that make you happy, then these things will grow.

Create a bank full of thankful

Take some time to notice the things that make you happy. Focus on the happiness that you can find in each moment. Then, if you remember to focus your attention on that happiness, it grows-if we go back to the bank account analogy, think of it as “compound interest.”  Instead of assuming that the slobs you live with don’t care about you, put yourself in their place and ask yourself what might be going on with them and then be thankful for the little things that they DO bring to your life. Perhaps a smile, your child’s laugh, enjoying a meal together, or even shopping (for the things that will be later left on the floor) can be things that make you happy.

Reminding yourself to be grateful for the little things can make a huge difference in your life. Deposit happy, positive thoughts into your emotional bank account and watch your happiness grow. Discovering authentic happiness is truly up to you, it is a choice that you can make. Start focusing on saving up your happiness and you will have happiness now.

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Love is in The Air

Today was a great day to be alive. The hope and inspiration created by this historic inauguration event was a joy to experience.  Obama’s inauguration speech was worth seeing and worth repeating. So that if you missed it, we’ve gathered two parts for easy viewing.

Enjoy!

President Barack Obama inauguration speech 1of 2 (Great QUALITY)

part 2 ↓

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vvq0733sUD8

President Barack Hussein Obama gives his inauguration speech.

President Barack Obama inauguration speech 2 of 2 (Great QUALITY)

Final part.

President Barack Hussein Obama gives his inauguration speech.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope you enjoyed this as much as we did.

with great love,
Beth and Neill

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Stop Stopping

Do you ever feel uncomfortable when you are surrounded by people who are complaining and seem unhappy all the time? Studies show that having a positive attitude can lead you toward greater happiness. You probably know this is true. Don’t you feel better when you have an upbeat outlook on life?

Now the questions become: How do you stay happy, positive, and stop reacting to the negativity of others? And how can you still be a good listener and at the same time avoid being bombarded by complaints?

“Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

The first thing to understand is that you can never stop doing anything, you can only start doing something else.

So what can you can start doing that will help you stay positive and continue to be a good listener?

You can start learning how to be more self-connected–use your discomfort as a warning that it’s time to turn your attention towards something you enjoy. Then practice the art of empathy–listen under the surface of any complaint for the values hiding within it.

Once you learn these skills and begin practicing them, you’re bound to find more of the happiness you’re looking for.

With Love and a Commitment to a Happier World,

Beth and Neill

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Things only mean what you make the mean

We know that 2008 end on a shaky note for some of you. Please remember that what you focus your attention on grows. Be thankful. Stop and celebrate those things that are going well in your life.

And whatever you do, don’t create this years goals based on any FEAR you may feel about what’s not going well in your life…  Instead craft your 2009 goals while focusing your attention on what you value most.

“A new year is unfolding – like a blossom with petals curled tightly concealing the beauty within.” ~unknown

Your Life Starts Now!

So instead of goals borne from reacting in fear, respond to the opportunities ahead to attain what’s most important to you, and take steps to start creating more of what you really want in life.

For help you can download our free Values Exercise.
http://www.focusedattention.com/store/thank-you/free_Values_Exercise_registration.htm

To do this exercise, pick an area of your life where you’d like to set a goal or make a new years resolution. Do the exercise and discover what you value most in that area. Then come up with a plan to accomplish this based on those values.

Trust us, you can have the life you want… miracles happen when you base your decisions on your true inner knowing.

Wishing you more happiness, health, and abundance than all our words can say, not just for today, but for all your days to come.

With great love,
Beth and Neill

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Do you avoid confrontation?

Many people do their best to avoid conflict and confrontation at any cost. Do you notice yourself doing this? If so, when you know that a confrontation is possibly coming your way, you probably start to feel a great deal of tension and worry. And after a confrontation, you are left with a huge pile of bad feelings. So it seems to make perfect sense to just try and avoid all situations where conflict is possible.

Not so fast… what if there were ways to change how you handle these situations. What if you could solve conflicts and deal with confrontations in a way that would leave you feeling more comfortable and less upset? If that sounds like more fun to you, read on and discover five keys that will help you unlock your personal conflict management toolbox

It is important that you understand the definition of confrontation before you can learn to effectively manage it. According to the dictionary definition, confrontation is “discord that results from clashing ideas or opinions.” Confrontation is not simply a disagreement, it occurs when the people involved are viewing it as a “clash” that cannot be resolved.

The five keys

The first key–when trying to avoid confrontations–is that you should stop trying to avoid them. This might sound a little crazy at first, but think about it, is it really possible to avoid confrontation altogether? Well maybe if you sat in a cave and never talk to anyone, but then you wouldn’t be reading this article. So if you want to dramatically reduce your anxiety about confrontation use key number one and stop trying to avoid conflict and confrontation.

The second key to successful conflict management is to rethink how you define confrontation. When you begin to understand that what you’re actually trying to avoid is judgment from others, not getting your way, or possibly losing a relationship that you value, then you’ll start to realize it is the outcome that you’re avoiding, not the confrontation itself.

When you constantly see confrontation as something to be avoided, you will remain in a state of fear that will stimulate the “fight or flight” reaction–minimizing your ability to come up with ideas to manage the situation effectively.

Try this definition of confrontation on for size “to bring face to face.” Meeting someone face to face, does not need to be a confrontation. Expecting that you may have a difference of opinion will help you relax and be able to resolve any differences that arise.

Now that you’ve stopped avoiding conflict and redefined it, you can also stop getting defensive, aggressive, or just running for the hills. Start by learning some creative ways to handle confrontation when it comes your way–ones that satisfy everyone involved.

Now for key number three, when you find yourself gearing up to avoid a confrontation, use your uncomfortable feelings as a signal to yourself, a warning of sorts that you need to stop and reflect on the situation. Think about the situation as an explorer would. There is always something worthy of discovery, something that remains untapped and could provide some precious knowledge and experience.

Believe in your ability to explore new things, like handling confrontation creatively. Be an explorer, and you will be thrilled to discover your new strategies and solutions.

Commit yourself to new discoveries-develop a mindset that allows you to think using new patterns and to create results that totally line up with what you value. When everyone involved is satisfied, then you have cooperative relationships and confrontation becomes a non-issue.

The fourth important key is to learn how to focus on values. Focus on everyone’s values, not just yours. Don’t focus on another person’s complaints, but instead try to focus on what their underlying values actually are.

When you are focused on discovering new ways of interacting–when you’re playing the role of explorer and navigate through the conversation–always stay focused on uncovering satisfying solutions. When you are committed to including what’s most important to everyone in your solutions, you will find that your relationships become much more satisfying.

If you let it, any confrontation can be seen as a treasure map–one that can guide you through the sea of discovery, leading you to new experiences. When you are persistent with your exploration of confrontation, you will find that these new discoveries provide you with clarity that helps negotiate any conflict or confrontation in a way that everyone can be satisfied.

The fifth and final key is that whenever someone says or does anything that might normally lead to a confrontation; the reason they said or did it reflects their own missing values in the situation and is not consciously intended to create a conflict.

If you stop and take the time to identify what they value in the situation–what’s important to them that’s missing–they’ll not only appreciate this gesture, but will be more open to hearing what’s important to you.

Sadly, most people are not readily able to identify what they value most. Most of us were not encouraged at a young age to pay attention to what we care about most or what we needed, nor did we expect that other people would care about our needs. Learning how to unlock your new personal conflict management toolbox takes patience and plenty of practice, but it can be accomplished. Stick with it–you really can find satisfying solutions that all parties in a relationship will be happy with.

With love,
Beth and Neill

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