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Balancing Your Needs with the Needs of Others

Are you one of those people who constantly put your own needs at the bottom of the priority list? Do other people’s needs always seem to be more important than your own? Though many of us try to put others first, but neglecting to address our own needs is not good for us or those we are trying to serve.

Can you really get ahead in your career, your relationships, or take care of your responsibilities to family and friends if you don’t take care of your own needs?

Impossible!

Be mindful of getting overly caught up in endless busywork and constantly attending to the needs of others. You need to take care of yourself too, which includes sleeping well, eating properly, exercising, relaxing, and making sure that you maintain a healthy balance in your life.

If you’ve been neglecting yourself lately, now is the time to make some changes that will bring more peace, harmony, and well-being into your life. To do this you must first identify exactly what is most important to you, figure out which of these things may be missing, and then focus your attention on bringing more of that into your life.

Once you move past the constant frenzy of taking care of the needs of others, you will start to find yourself on the path to true happiness.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

When we focus our attention on satisfying our own needs, we cannot help but grow. Living a balanced life allows us to be more creative, more successful, and enjoy a life that is full of what we love. Having all of our needs met makes us much more effective in meeting others’ needs too.

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The Path to a New Life

Have you recently separated? Are you currently going through, or planning to go through, a divorce? This can be a very stressful, difficult process, one where it can seem you may never reach the other side.

No matter where you are along the path, you’re at a point of making some major changes, changes that can help you move toward a happier, more fulfilling life.

There are many parts of the divorce process that can be extremely challenging, but this is also a chance for you to start over and make a new life, one that you have previously only dreamed about.

Moving Forward

Don’t be content to settle for whatever happens to you. Be a lively participant in creating the life of your dreams.

To move toward your new life, look to the future and imagine how you want your life to be–what you want to experience. Clear intentions will help you to focus your attention on what you want. And remember; what you focus your attention on will grow.

“Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine, and last you create what you will.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Life can be a fun and exciting ride as long as you’re conscious about what you want and are living in harmony with what’s most important to you.

To begin this process, create a clear value-based intention and then come up with strategies for experiencing what you want that are in harmony with what you deeply value.

For support in doing this, read our special report: Harness The Power of Intention. You can find it at: http://www.focusedattention.com/eZine/FAI-eZine0905_Unconscious_Intentions_Running_Your_Life.htm

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How do you enhance the love in your life?

A friend recently asked us if we knew of a relationship checklist she and her boyfriend could use as a guide for keeping their year-old relationship on track as it continues to develop.

While there are a lot of lists out there that deal with how to determine if you have a relationship in trouble–what you don’t want–we know of very few that focus on activities you can engage in that will help you enhance your relationship–what you do want.

As you may know we are very fond of saying: What you focus your attention on grows.

Since we believe so strongly that this is true, we were happy to come across a Relationship Checklist developed by Nicholas de Castella of the Institute of Heart Intelligence (www.eq.net.au).

We like it because it shows you intimacy building activities that will get you more of what you do want in your love relationship!

Here are the sections that offer relationship advice for enhancing the love in your relationship:

• Have Fun Together
• Maintain Individuality
• Engage Fully
• Spend Time Together
• Speak Your Truth
• Be Vulnerable
• Honor Each Other
• Be Responsible
• Develop Trust
• Enjoy Sex

Each section expands on the topic with some very nice insights and advice.

We found this Relationship Advice Checklist online as a Google Doc.

You can take a look at it here:
http://bit.ly/jMeUh

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Please Change

Have you ever wished that your relationship partner was less jealous, more interested, or more encouraging or supportive? Do you find yourself thinking that your relationship would be so much better “if only” your partner would change in some way?

Sometimes it’s difficult to identify the “real” problems in our relationships. We are taught to believe that we can measure how much someone loves us based on what they do and say-and if what they do and say doesn’t match our expectations, then their love doesn’t measure up.

I Would Be Happy If only…

This leads people to “test” their relationships using ideas like, “If they truly loved me, then they would…..talk to me more, spend more time listening, take me (someplace), or buy me (something).” How about, “If they truly loved me, then they would NOT (complain so much, criticize me, interrupt me, walk away, spend so much time on a hobby, etc……”

These “measurements” are not really the best ways to evaluate or prove the quality of your relationships. When we expect people to pass these types of “tests” of our relationships, we are inevitably disappointed.

Why?

They cause us to spend too much time focusing our attention on the negative aspects of the relationship, instead of focusing our attention on what we enjoy about it.

“The surest hindrance of success is to have too high a standard of refinement in our own minds, or too high an opinion of the judgment of the public. He who is determined not to be satisfied with anything short of perfection will never do anything to please himself or others.” ~ Hazlitt

It’s for You to Do

Remember that what you focus your attention on is what grows and becomes reality. So start focusing your attention on what you DO like about your relationship partner, and you will start seeing–and getting–far more of what you DO like and far less of what you DON’T.

When you start focusing your attention on what you DO like it’s almost automatic that you’ll start to give what you want to receive, and you will get more of it back. So, if you want to get more support from your relationship for example, then you must begin by giving more support.

If you want some help putting this powerful practice to work improving your relationships, sign up for The Shocking Truth About Loving eMail eCourse.

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Do Angry People Make You Angry?

Do you wonder why angry people don’t take some sort of anger management class? Isn’t it tiring, when you have to deal with angry people? If you’re like most of us, dealing with angry people probably makes you somewhat angry yourself.

When you listen to people venting constantly, one of two things is likely to happen. Either you withdraw because it’s too stressful to listen to, or you end up becoming frustrated inside and this makes you appear angry on the outside.

It’s important you realize that another person’s anger doesn’t have to make you angry. Their anger is not about you. When someone is angry, it’s because they are not getting what they want, so don’t take it personally.

Guess Why I’m Angry?

While it’s best to avoid taking another person’s anger personally, you might be the trigger for their anger somehow, and it can be helpful to figure out what their angers about–what’s going on for them under the surface. Again, you are not the cause of their anger, but if you can guess why the other person is feeling that way, then you might be able to take action to help improve the situation.

How do you guess the reason for another person’s anger? Examine their needs and values-either directly, by asking them, or indirectly, by thinking about what may be driving those negative feelings. Everything a person does is driven by their needs and values.

Anger Might Equal Opportunity

“Usually when people are sad, they don’t do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.” ~ Malcolm X

Once you understand that everything truly comes down to needs and values, you can just guess about why another person is angry. And, in doing so, you will feel more relaxed and be better able to stop taking things personally, because their anger is really not about you.

Related Anger Management Resources

Michele Borba: Anger Management Tips for Kids | Dr. Michele … - Dr. Michele Borba share her secrets for discipline problems, behavior troubles, school issues and much more! Parenting advice, tips, and articles for raising happy, healthy children from conception to graduation.

If you were an employer, would you hire yourself? : Advantages of … - Anger Management ala George Anderson. Presented by Anderson and Anderson-Global leader in anger management training and certification. If you were an employer, would you hire yourself? : Advantages of Executive Coaching …

Anger Management with Yoga Therapy – Potent yogic technique to help you release and be free of your anger and frustration. Illustrations and practice detailed included.

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Got Conflict Management?

Do you ever find that you avoid working something out with someone because you fear that just bringing it up may start an argument?

To overcome this fear the first thing you need to do is avoid having an “Us vs. Them” mentality. That’s easier said than done, because this pattern of thinking is extremely common in our culture. We are trained not to trust people from a very young age: “don’t talk to strangers,” “look out for number one,” and we should “always come out on top.”

This competitive mindset impedes our ability to develop cooperative and effective relationships.

Now is the Time

Creating cooperative relationships that are focused on the power of a “We” mentality can only happen when we are able to establish alignment with others. This involves clearly identifying our own intentions and being able to determine the intentions of others. Only when you have this information can you work toward developing alignment of purpose and reliable agreements that will help improve the relationship.

Feel the WE

A shared vision of success is critical for resolving any relationship issue. Are there similar things that you both hope to achieve? Start there, and work toward “getting on the same page” as your relationship partner. From the perspective of shared goals it is much easier to appreciate the power of working together, the true power of “We.”

“Power consists in one’s capacity to link his will with the purpose of others, to lead by reason and a gift of cooperation.” ~ Woodrow Wilson

Once you experience alignment, you will know the power of the “We” mentality and why it will bring you far greater satisfaction in all your relationships.

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Who is in charge of your life?

Does your happiness ever seem outside of your control? Have you ever blamed your unhappiness on someone else? If  so,

Did this person make large amounts money for you, amass your debts, form your relationships with others, and develop the behavior and attitude you have right now? We think not!

But who did? Yes, we’re talking about YOU!

If you are sick and tired of feeling like a puppet on a string, try this. The next time you find yourself blaming outside circumstances for the quality of your life, try identifying where you’re responsible for actions you’ve taken that helped create the situation.

You can do it!

Taking responsibility may seem uncomfortable or even unsafe at first, but it’s not that hard, you can do it! Once you do, you can start creating new experiences–experiences that we can almost guarantee you’ll enjoy more. No blaming or judging others, no disconnection from the ones you love.

“All that a man achieves and all that he fails to achieve is the direct result of his own thoughts.”
~ James Allen

The first step is to notice when you find yourself in the middle of an undesirable situation. Use the experience to get a better understanding of what is important to you–figure out what’s missing in the experience that makes it less than comfortable. Then figure out what actions you can take to help you get those missing ingredients.

Save your time and energy–stop playing the blame game. Look at your past experiences and decide whether you want to do something to make this difference in your future, or not.

Try it this week. Once you’ve recognized something you want to change, take action. If you’d like a little more help figuring out how to do this, read our article:
How You Can Stop Being “Right” and Start Being Happy!

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We received an e-mail today from a dear friend and we want to share her gift with you–the gift of inspiration.  Thanks Dale!

Since we in the United States celebrate the Fourth of July as our Independence Day–we thought it would also be an excellent time to celebrate all that we are blessed with, and to consider all that we could be giving to others who don’t have as much. Kind of an Interdependence Day.

WE Are The World!

We Are The World by USA For Africa
Written by Michael Jackson & Lionel Richie

We thought you might  also enjoy having the lyrics. . .

“We Are The World”, U.S.A. for Africa

There comes a time when we need a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
Oh, and it’s time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can’t go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We’re all a part of God’s great big family
And the truth – you know love is all we need

( CHORUS )
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
so let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

Well, send’em you your heart
So they know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us
By turning stone to bread
And so we all must lend a helping hand

( REPEAT CHORUS )

When you’re down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There’s no way we can fall
Well, well, well, let’s realize
That one change can only come
When we stand together as one

( REPEAT CHORUS AND FADE )

We hope you enjoy your Interdependence Day Celebrations!

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Want More Out Of Life?

Do you often wonder how to be more successful, have better relationships, or just get more of what you want out of life? Do you want to be happier and have more peace of mind?

Thinking about these things, wanting them and not knowing how to actually get them can lead to high levels of stress and frustration. That’s the bad news, but don’t worry because there’s also good news. There are things you can do, steps you can take, that will help reduce your stress and lead you toward a much happier more peaceful life.

“The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

What Are You Thinking about?

In order to clearly understand what is causing stress in your life, you must begin by listening to yourself closely. Every thought that passes through your mind has an impact. Common thoughts such as, “How will I get this work done?” or “I don’t know how I will pay my bills this month.” or “What if someone I love becomes ill?” leave a mark as they pass through. That mark is evidenced by the stress you feel.

All of these stressful thoughts can be turned around so that you can focus on the positive. Instead of wondering, “How will I get this work done?” you could ask yourself, “How much work can I get accomplished today?” and then decide on a realistic answer. This sets you up to meet expectations, rather than fall short.

Imagine worrying about what would happen if someone you love becomes ill. How would you feel? Now imagine focusing on spending a lot of quality time with the people you love. How would that feel? Most worries are focused on some future event you don’t want to happen or things you wish you could change about the past.

Worry Worry Who’s Got the Worry?

It’s unrealistic to think we’ll stop worrying altogether. But, constantly thinking those “what if” and “I should…” thoughts are truly harmful to your happiness. Worry causes stress, stress causes agitation, and agitation makes you worry more. It’s a downward spiral, and one that has major negative effects on your emotional, mental, and physical well-being.

Unless you can learn to break the worry cycle,  the discomfort, confusion, disappointment, and pain that are caused by your everyday unexamined thoughts will continue to be your day to day companion and keep you from feeling happy.

While it’s very normal for us to worry–with practice–that same worry cycle could be turned into a productive process. This process can propels us towards positive change and moves us to another level of happiness.

Take a good look at how you interact with the world. Take some time to reflect on how you face problems and tackle them. Does sitting around worrying ever seem to help your situation? Breaking the cycle is critical.

Breaking Free From Worry

Genuine happiness is only around the corner, but developing the skills and techniques to help reframe the negative and worrisome thoughts that detour your happiness is essential. Breaking free from worry and escaping the vicious cycle is possible, if you’re willing to stop, examine, and then revise your “what if” and “if only” thoughts. It’s like breaking any bad habit–it can be done, with a commitment and some practice.

Here you’ll find a three-step plan that can quickly turn things around and lead you toward a more rewarding, peaceful, and happy life:

Notice Feelings

The first step is to notice when you’re feeling uncomfortable in any way. Contrary to what you might think, your thoughts cause your feelings, but often times we think so many things–so quickly–that it’s challenging to notice individual thoughts.

This is why the very first thing to do is to begin noticing when you feel uncomfortable.  At this point your worry becomes a helpful friend. Worry inevitably makes us feel uneasy, this discomfort can be used as a warning bell to stop and discover what you’re thinking in that moment. Managing your worries and making changes can start by simply noticing how you’re feeling.

Flip It – “Don’t Want” into “Do Want”

Worry usually takes the form of what you don’t want. Now it’s time to figure out what you actually do want. When you find yourself thinking “How will I get this work done?” it’s time to discover what you do want at a core level that has you think that thought in the first place. When you examine this thought you might realize that you truly value productivity and what you do want is to be more effective and get things finished in a timely manner.

Now What? Take Action!

Once you’ve identified the essence of what you really want, don’t stop there, it’s now time to take action. Deciding what actions to take is the next step.

You’ve determined that what you do want is to be more effective and get things done in a timely manner. Remember, worrying about what will happen in the future or fear of repeating a past mistake is what keeps you stuck in the worry cycle. Stay in the present moment. And ask yourself; “What can I do in this moment to be more effective?” “What action can I take right now that will move you closer to getting something finished?”

Each and every small step you take moves you closer to what you do want .Once you get moving in this direction, you’ll find that the process takes on a power of its own, gently releasing you from the tight grip of stress and worry and pointing you in the direction of that peace and happiness you long for. Because, when you’re in action there just isn’t that much time to be worried.

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