During the holidays it tends to get a little stressful, so we decided to relieve our stress by searching the Web for funny holiday videos. We found a few we thought were quite funny and wanted to share them with you. Enjoy!

Sierra Mist Holiday Hawk

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Not the kiss you’d expect under the mistletoe…

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Dutch couple on holiday (commercial)

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Christmas light music show… how do it know?

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Beware of the Doghouse- Hilarious and pathetic at the same time!

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Hope these videos brought a smile to your face and made your day a little lighter.

With love,
Beth and Neill

This time of year there’s always some kind of family event looming in the near future. These are supposed to be warm, good times, but it doesn’t always seem to turn out that way. Are you often left wondering if it was a good idea to go? Dreading the next “fun” event? Many times family events are just laden with difficulty and stress. Maybe your extended family includes a few difficult-to-be-with characters that keep you from really relaxing and enjoying yourself completely.

What if–this year–you could approach the situation differently and possibly even change the outcome? You might even find that you enjoy these events, maybe even start looking forward to them. How would that be? The following five steps can help you plan and survive this years family get-together.

Decide to make a difference!

You really can make changes in how you personally handle the different situations that come up when you visit family. Imagine how nice it would be to enjoy your family’s company and really relax and have a good time with them. It’s a choice that you can make, one that will improve your own experience, as well as the experience of others around you.

Step #1 - Choose your own experience

This tip refers to creating an intention. You need to decide for yourself how you want your experience to be. If you are clear about what you want, then it is easier to make that happen. Ask yourself the following question, “How could we all benefit from the experience of being together?”

If your answer to the question includes having fun, having peace and harmony, and feeling more connected to each other, then you are on the right track to changing your own experience, and the experience of your other family members. You can make the next family gathering one that is fun and peaceful, and one that even leaves you feeling more connected to your family.

Ways to make these things a reality might include being more playful with each other, and less judgmental. When things start to become difficult during a family gathering, remember what your intentions are, and how you want it to turn out.

Step #2 - Remember this truth, each person is doing the best they can

This particular step is something you might need to continually remind yourself of. It’s hard when Uncle Joe constantly complains about everything, or when your mother picks and criticizes every part of your life. Imagine if these people knew better how to create their own intentions and have more fun and peace. Do you think they would behave differently? They probably don’t like it either. Can you see how their probably doing the best they can with what they know? It is up to you, and how you react, to change the situation.

Instead of getting upset, remind yourself they are doing the best they can. To change your experience it’s essential that you concentrate on creating the outcome that matches your own intentions. While this is more easily said than done, it is possible. How?

Step #3 - Remember to not take things personally

Again, definitely easier said than done, especially when it seems like a personal attack. People say and do ridiculous stuff all the time. But, we’re here tell you that the ridiculous things they say and do–unknowingly–are an attempt to experience what they value and has nothing to do with you, you just end up being in the way.

If your mother is harping on you for not settling down and getting married, she might be worried that if you don’t have a family and the emotional security that accompanies that you won’t be happy. She is probably “Doing the Best that She Can” and saying these things because she really cares about you. But, remember, this is about what’s important to her. Don’t take it personally!

When you hear someone say something that seems like an attack, instead of reacting defensively, take a moment to think about why they would say such a thing. Wonder what is going on with the other person, rather than how you end up feeling. Remember, you are creating your own experience.

Step #4 - Understand what they’re asking for

Family get-togethers can be upsetting when people are not sure about what they want and expect from each other. Not being sure about what others want or expect can leave you feeling quite confused and uncomfortable. Often this leads to you trying to defend yourself or your situation, or possibly even to give unwanted advice.

Change these situations by looking for some clarification. If your brother is constantly complaining about not having enough money for his rent, you can clarify whether he is just venting his frustrations, looking for you to help with networking opportunities for new jobs, or asking you to borrow some money. Sometimes asking the other person how you can help, and whether they are hoping you will just listen or actually do them a favor, can really defuse a potentially volatile emotional situation.

Think about the first three steps before you start asking for clarity. Remember your intentions, remember others are doing the best they can, and don’t take things personally. Then, make a guess or offer a solution that works for you. When your brother complains about his finances, you might ask him if he’d like you to ask some business owners you know if there are any viable opportunities. You may be right with your guess about what he wants from you, but even if you are wrong, it can open the door to a more productive conversation about his financial situation, one that leads to a more enjoyable interaction, and, ultimately gets you closer to your own intentions. Either way, this leads to less stress for both of you.

Step #5 - Focus on developing your ability to be grateful

When you focus your attention on something, it tends to grow. When you notice things that are unpleasant, then your pain and suffering will grow. When you focus on things that you enjoy and things that make you happy, then your happiness will grow.

This sounds simple enough, but it does take some work on your part. Plan to enjoy your family, then focus your attention on truly enjoying them. Focus on how delicious the food smells, or the funny stories that your uncle tells that make everyone laugh. These things will help you feel grateful for your family, and grateful that everyone takes the time to get together and stay connected.

If you follow these five steps, you will quickly learn that family gatherings can be fun and peaceful, and might even leave you thinking you are glad that you went.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season filled with love, peace and happiness,
Beth and Neill

Some days just don’t go terribly well. Your schedule gets thrown off, you easily get into squabbles with the people around you, it’s as if Murphy’s Law is running the show–anything that can go wrong, will!

When you’re having this kind of a day, how do you typically handle the stress? The way you routinely handle your stress, and the increased anxiety levels that accompanies things not going your way, is known as your stress response.

The same way your knee jerks up when the doctor taps on it, there are also particular ways you respond when you start getting stressed out.

Yours might be running straight to the freezer and climbing into a container of Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream. Or perhaps you screech at every person who crosses your path.

Your stress response takes over as that last straw breaks the camel’s back–you’ve just had enough!

How do you relieves stress?

When stress levels reach a breaking point, it’s normally too late to stop and respond from a conscious place. Start to pay attention earlier–before it’s too late. Identify methods of dealing with stress as it starts to build up, before it gets out of control.

Consider what your stress response might be. You might not have thought about it before. Perhaps you don’t even realizing when stress begins to take its toll and starts to send you into rampant, unconscious coping mechanisms.

Once you discover how you actually handle stress as it begins to tip the scales, you’ll be able to avoid counterproductive behaviors and choose healthier more satisfying outlets.

What creates change?

The next time you start to feel stressed out, keep an eye on how you are reacting in the situation. Do you explode like a bomb, devour the contents of your fridge, or do you get a knot in your stomach and began to feel physically ill?

Keep a record of your physical sensations at those times. Write down what you’re thinking and what you end up doing.

You can’t change anything you’re not aware, so the first step is to know thyself. And then find ways to react differently.

With love,

Beth and Neill

Have you ever heard of or done an Outward Bound, type program? Their mission is to enhance self confidence and self-esteem through challenge and adventure, and to encourage participants to achieve more than you ever thought possible.”

Sounds like a cool, adventurous way to start building self esteem! The beauty of these programs is that they ask you to use your skill set in situations very different from your regular life. Whether or not you have the time and resources to take such a program, this type of adventure is available to you every day.

Reframe your activities today!

It begins by taking yourself mentally out of your habitual mindset. You might not be able to physically change the basic routine of your day, but you can change your attitude and reframe your activities. We call it Choose a New Metaphor.

A metaphor is a figure of speech in which one thing is spoken of as if it were another. A famous one is Shakespeare’s “All the world’s a stage.” By looking at your day through a different set of images, especially one that reflects an activity where you feel success or enjoy the challenge of, you begin to recognize the vast talents you have and a renewed sense of self.

So pick your metaphor! “My life is a hike in the woods.” “My job is a shopping trip with a set deadline.” The metaphors are as vast as your imagination.

As Robert H. Schuller wrote “Let your imagination release your imprisoned possibilities.”
This week… start your day by picking a new metaphor. You can keep the same one for a week or change it up each day. So don’t wait to increase your self confidence, start today!

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

Until next time…

with love,
Beth and Neill

Have you ever thought about all the time people spend grumbling about what they don’t like? Are you tired of hearing yourself and other people complain? What if all the time and energy people spent complaining could be channeled into fixing what it is that they’re dissatisfied about?

We all have complaints. Whenever we’re irritated or frustrated, it often seems like the first course of action is to complain. While it may seem that voicing our complaints is a way to relieve stress, complaining actually distracts us from the cause of our dissatisfaction and prevents us from improving the situation. Over time, constant complaining can create a feeling of hopelessness that keeps us from experiencing the happiness we seek.

“Realize that if you have time to complain about something, then you have the time to do something about it.”
~ Anthony D’Angelo

Feeling unhappy is a signal that something important-something we value-is missing in that situation. The key to finding authentic happiness is learning to dig beneath the surface complaint and discover what you value that’s missing. Then you can decide which actions you can take to do something about it.

Next time you hear yourself complaining–Stop–Identify what’s missing for you in this situation and decide on one action you can take in that moment to experience what you want. Give it a try and let us know what happens.

With love,
Beth and Neill

During traumatic times in your life, everything can seem completely out of control. Everything that you always thought was “normal” gets called into question. It’s hard to know what to do, what is right, where to turn. Going through a divorce is considered to be one of the greatest life stresses anyone must endure. Those who are trying to recover are often left wondering how to heal a broken heart, in addition to any other problems like finances, children, jobs, or other responsibilities.

Being able to survive a divorce-and even come out stronger than before-is possible. Even if you were the partner initiating the divorce proceedings, it’s hard to come to terms with it. But, you can actually recreate your life into one that meets your needs and may even exceed your expectations. Here are five tips to get you pointed in the right direction for divorce recovery.

Survival and Recovery Tips:

1. Take care of yourself-In order to take care of your business, whether that means your children, your finances, or your job, you will need to take care of yourself first. Without keeping yourself together, you won’t be any good to anyone else.

2. Take time to feel good-Including pleasure in your life is important, not only during times of high stress, but always. Everyone needs to treat themselves now and then. Be sure to continue doing things you enjoy, or find some new things you like. Some people find that making a wish list of 10 things they love doing and then 10 things they would like to try keeps them moving forward.

3. Seek comfort from others-Going through a divorce process can leave a person feel extremely lonely. Remember that you can always count on yourself, and you will need to do this more and more to get through. Finding out that you are your own best friend can be incredibly empowering. This is an opportunity to reflect and identify what is most important to you. Once you understand these values, you will be better equipped to deal with the difficult feelings that you are faced with.

Divorce might mean the loss of something you might have dreamed of, and you might be judging yourself as a failure. But soon you will learn to search deeper within those feelings and find yourself and make your life what you need and want it to be. Divorce support is often only a phone call away, from either a caring friend or a professional counselor.

4. What lies ahead?-A fast recovery from a divorce requires careful planning for the future. When you can start imagining and visualizing what your life will look like, and create a clear view of what you need to get from life, you will be able to take the next steps. When you focus your attention on your goals, they have a tendency to materialize.

5. Miracles can happen-Sometimes when we are at our lowest points, miracles can occur. As you examine your life, look for the little things that you might have taken for granted before. Despite the fact that you may be surrounded by chaos, take every chance you can to enjoy a peaceful moment, a sunset, a favorite television show, or a quiet game with your kids. It’s time to reconnect with friends, lose weight, or pick up a new hobby! Appreciating all the things you do have in your life is definitely an important step in the divorce recovery process.

With love,
Beth and Neill

With the gift giving season fast approaching, we want to tell you about a gift you can give to anyone you’re in a relationship with.

Are you having communication problems in any of your relationships-at work, at home, or with friends? Do you ever wish there was something you could give to someone that would improve your relationship? Would you be surprised to learn there really is such a gift?

If you want to strengthen, enhance, and grow your relationships, the best gift you can give is the gift of presence. Now, we’re not talking about anniversary, birthday, or Christmas presents … The presence we mean is the gift of listening to the other person without thinking about yourself at all.

“If you want to be listened to, you should put in time listening.”
~ Marge Piercy

Being present for another person doesn’t just mean listening to them without speaking. It requires that you really put yourself and your desires aside for the moment so you can fully hear what they have to say. When you give the gift of presence, you’re not only showing other people that you appreciate and support them, you’re also opening the door to discovering what’s really important to them-the hidden values underneath their words.

This week, identify one thing you can do in relation to this awareness and take action. Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love, or
Beth and Neill

Are you ever concerned that you’re not good enough or not smart enough, or that you simply don’t have what it takes to get what you want in life? Do you ever wonder why you feel this way or why these thoughts pop into your head as often as they do?

These thoughts are caused by what we call limiting beliefs and are the effect of how we interpreted unpleasant experiences from our past. Unfortunately, each limiting belief that we adopt throughout our lives becomes road blocks and keep us from achieving the results we want.

“There is only one cause of unhappiness: the false beliefs you have in your head, beliefs so widespread, so commonly held, that it never occurs to you to question them.”
~Anthony de Mello

Open road ahead

There is a way to use these limiting beliefs to your benefit. Turned them from road blocks that keep you from getting to where you want to go into warning lights that assure a safe and pleasant ride. You can do this by becoming aware of how you feel. The trick is to turn any feelings of discomfort into a flashing red light. When you feel uncomfortable in any way, stop what you’re doing and identify the thoughts in your head-these are your limiting beliefs.

Once you have identified these limiting beliefs, you will be able to uncover the truth that is buried within them-what’s most important to you or the thing you value that is missing from the situation. Once you start practicing this, you’ll begin to transform your actions from habitual to conscious.

And as we Always say… the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

With love,
Beth

I’m on a lot of e-mail lists. Lists that offer information about personal growth, spiritual development, Internet marketing, and the list goes on and on. I’m on these lists because I am a lifelong learner. They provide me with insights, understandings, good information, and opportunities for growth and development in different areas of my life.

I’ve been receiving one particular e-mail from a organization called CharityFocus and I would love to share it with you. What this organization offers me is inspiration and we could all definitely use more of that. They do this by finding good news–people and organizations working to uplift and contribute to others.

You can sign up for their daily good news newsletter today by going to: http://www.dailygood.org

Here’s a little tidbit from their last e-mail

No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure. –Emma Goldman

Kids Embrace The Giving Spirit:

The very rich and the very famous capture the headlines for their charitable giving. But another group of avid philanthropists is also leaving its mark. Young people from grade school on are engaged as never before in making a direct difference in the world. They are donating via the Internet to favorite projects overseas, creating their own nonprofits to pursue social causes, and becoming grantmakers on foundation boards to foster change in their home communities. Some youths have gained that awareness from volunteer activities. Many have seen celebrities take up worthy causes. Others have traveled with their families and encountered the challenges many children face in other countries. This article from the Christian Science Monitor read more at:http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1124/p13s01-wmgn.html

Be The Change:
As the holiday season approaches, help introduce a child to the joy of giving.

Trust me, if you want to bring more happiness into your life, seek out good news.  One simple way to do this is by signing up for the dailygood.org newsletter and bring the gift of good news into your life.

With love,
Beth

Do you end up dealing with difficult people on a regular basis? If so, are there times when you want to just run in hide, or click your heels and make them disappear? Or are you the kind of person that gets angry and combative right back at them? Either way, these situations can be very stressful. But don’t worry…

The good news is that there are ways to deal with these people that are much less stressful and you’ll also end up feeling much more satisfied with the outcome.

Believe it or not, some people don’t let these kinds of situations bother them. They simply stay calm and stress-free when confronted with upset and anger. Wouldn’t it be nice to know what they know? Well now you can! Here are a few simple tips that will help you breathe a sigh of leave the next time you end up dealing with an angry person.

Often times when we realize someone is upset the first thing we do is take personal responsibility. We believe that the only reason they’d be disturb–and letting us about it–is that it must be about us. The first thing to understand is that when managing these kinds of situations is that it’s not about you, it’s really all about them!

I can guess what you’re probably thinking: “What you mean don’t take it personally, when there are someone screaming at me and telling me it’s my fault!”

I understand how difficult this will be at first, but when you begin to appreciate this one point, it becomes much easier to avoid taking these things personally: Every statement you hear someone say comes from a deep and inherent desire to satisfy their needs or to support something they value. And you most likely do the same thing - its normal human behavior.

Unquestionably Everything stems from either Needs and Values.

As an example, someone who is upset may just have a need for consideration, or they might in reality value dependability. By getting upset, they are attempting to satisfy these needs or honor what they value.

Let’s say that an angry man has a conversation with Gandhi (while he was alive). And he said to Gandhi, “You’ve never had a difficult life so don’t pretend to you know what suffering is. People wait on you hand and foot! You’re such a phony!”

Can you imagine Gandhi responding to this as some people would– defensively, with anger and critical words? “What do you mean phony? Try doing what I do every day… you wouldn’t last a minute. You an ignorant little man– you probably don’t even work for a living!”

Now I’m sure you can imagine where this conversation would end up!

It’s almost impossible to think of Gandhi reacting this way, but why not ? What does he know that most of us don’t?

Gandhi knows that the man upset stems from his own challenging life and is just venting about his own pain. The man is angry because his needs have not been satisfied, and things in his life are out of harmony with his values.

So, from now on, when confronted with difficult people, try to remind yourself that absolutely everything people say or do is an effort to meet their needs or support something they value.

The next you’ll are in one of these uncomfortable situation–STOP–don’t justifying yourself, instead start by reminding yourself that their anger isn’t about you, it’s about them and their situation.

Don’t take it to personally.

Consider this: Do you want your happiness to be dependent upon others, or do you long for the kind of happiness that you have complete control over? Take charge of the situation by aligning your values with the actions you take.

Another great way to stay calm when dealing with others’ who are upset or angry is to be curiosity. Ask questions such as, “Hmm, they seems very tense and upset. I wonder what’s going on in their life that has them feel this way.”

Stop and take a if you minutes to empathize with their circumstances and think, “If I behaved the way they’re behaving toward me, what could possibly be going on in my life?” Then guess what it could be.

Changing your focus of attention in this way can truly set you free. You’ll stop acting or feeling defensive. This focus will lead you to a much more peaceful place and will help you to fill your life with happiness, and a multitude of satisfying relationships you’ll truly enjoy.

“Setting an example is not the main means of influencing others; it is the only means.”
~ Albert Einstein

Let’s review: - Tension and defensiveness isn’t the only way to deal with difficult people. - everything people say or do is in support of something they value or to meet some need. - Their upset is not about you, don’t take it personally. Take on the attitude of being curious. - Your happiness is not dependent on how others act or what they say.

When dealing with difficult people, this approach will help you open the door to a renewed sense of happiness and freedom you will no longer be restricted by your circumstances. You get to choose how you respond and what actions you will take.

If you want to start interacting differently with people who are upset, you must first practice the essential skills that create a more peaceful, happy life. If you’re ready to create that kind of life now, sign up for our thought-provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series. The sign-up form is at the top right hand side of your screen. Don’t wait, sign up today. You’ll be happy you did.

With love and great appreciation,
Beth