(We had the opportunity to do a guest article for the PuddleDancer Press, Nonviolent Communication site and we wanted to share it here with our community too. You can read the first bit here and the rest there… :~)

It’s That New Year’s Resolution Time Again

In January it’s traditional to make New Year’s resolutions. You plan to go to the gym, get into great physical shape, earn more money, improve a troubled relationship, or get along better with your family members.

But you suspect that in a few days or weeks you’ll get tired of making the effort and your good intentions will disappear. Would you like to improve your chances of making your resolutions stick?

Maybe you worry about how much effort and work is involved, or you think it isn’t possible to have these things. Just like last year, you’ll slip back into your old patterns. Well, there is a fun and easy way to begin to create your ideal life with little effort on your part. It starts by creating an intention.

What is intention?

Intention means knowing what you want and directing your actions toward that outcome. You might want your life to be more peaceful and harmonious. Or you might crave adventure and discovery. You can make intentions for your life as a whole, and also for any situation, relationship, or time period. Maybe you want to create more connection and trust with someone you love. Or maybe, during meetings at work, you want more support and effectiveness.

Why Create Intentions?

Creating intentions takes only a few minutes out of a day, yet it is a powerful tool you can use to set your resolutions in motion…
Keep reading this article at NonviolentCommunication.com >>

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“Tell me, how much a snowflake weighs?” asked a sparrow of a dove.

“Not much more than nothing” was the answer.

“Then”, the sparrow says, “I want to tell you a wonderful story:

“I was sitting on a branch of a pine tree, close to the trunk when it started to snow. Not much, not like in a storm. No, it was like in a dream, without any touch of intensity.

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“Because I did not have anything else to do I started to count those snowflakes which fell on my branch and its needles. Their number was 3,741,952.

“When the next snowflake fell on the branch – weighing not much more than nothing as you said – the branch broke.”

The sparrow did not say more.

He took off.

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The dove, which is supposed to be an authority on this topic since the time of Noah, thought a while about this story and then said to itself:

“Maybe there is only one more voice that needs to be heard for there to be peace in our world.”

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~ (received from Gitta Zimmermann, Nonviolent Communication Trainer) ~

Baba Brinkman evolving rapping to where no rapper has gone before…

Here is a great article on the same topic by Olivia Judson we thought you’d also enjoy.

By OLIVIA JUDSON

The lights go down. The room fills with music — a pulsating hip-hop rhythm. And then, over the music, you hear the voice of Richard Dawkins reading a passage from “On the Origin of Species” by Charles Darwin: “Whoever is led to believe that species are mutable will do good service by conscientiously expressing his conviction. For only thus can the load of prejudice by which this subject is overwhelmed be removed.”

So begins one of the most astonishing, and brilliant, lectures on evolution I’ve ever seen: “The Rap Guide to Evolution,” by Baba Brinkman.

Read the rest of the article here: Darwin Got It Going On

And Here’s a Selection of Baba Brinkman’s Music (on CBC Radio)

Thoughts?

We received this from a friend and wanted to share our slightly modified version with you…

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How Much for a Miracle?

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even… The total had to be exactly perfect… No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to the drug store. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment.

Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

“And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’m talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages,” he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

“Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,” Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick….and I want to buy a miracle.”

“I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist.

“His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?”

“We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry but I can’t help you,” the pharmacist said, softening a little.

“Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.”

The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, “What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”

“I don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.”

“How much do you have?” asked the man from Chicago.

“One dollar and eleven cents,” Tess answered barely audible.

“And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”

“Well, what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “A dollar and eleven cents is the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.”

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said “Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle you need.”

That well-dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neurosurgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

“That surgery,” her Mom whispered. “was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?”

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost….one dollar and eleven cents…plus the faith of a little child.

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Miracles and the Circle of Life

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. So by acting in harmony with these higher laws it’s possible to keep miracles moving through our circle of friends!

A circle has no beginning and no end. It is connected like we are to each other. How many more miracles would we see if we all acted like we really are connected in the circle of life?

We never know how many miracles we may need in our lives, so today we share our commitment to support you in these (and other :~) ways through the work we do.

When you are feeling sad …we will help dry your tears.

When you are feeling scared …we will help comfort your fears.

When you are worried …we will help give you hope.

When you are feeling confused …we will help you cope.

When things seem darkest …we will help make them bright.

And when you are lost …we’ll help you see the light.

This is our commitment …our pledge till the end.

Why you may ask? Because you’re our friend.

Today we pass along our commitment through our circle of friendship to you.

You can pass it along to your circle of friends by your commitment to see every person you meet as a friend and every need as an opportunity for a miracle.

Then the next time you see, speak to, or e-mail someone you know you can tell them of this story about Tess, and share with them your commitment to creating miracles in the world.

Mixing Traditions: New Year’s Resolutions, Spring Cleaning, and Boxing Day

New Year’s is traditionally a time to dispense with our old habits and welcome the new. Spring Cleaning is the exercise of a very similar principle, but applied to the physical things in our life. The tradition of Boxing Day is new to us. We initially heard that it was similar to Spring Cleaning, but done at New Year’s.

Turns out, this wasn’t quite accurate. There seem to be two theories about Boxing Day. The more common one is that hundreds of years ago, on the day after Christmas, members of the merchant class gave boxes of food, clothing, and/or money to those they employed, such as trades people and servants.

These gifts were given as an expression of gratitude for service rendered in the same way people today get bonuses from their employer. These boxed gifts gave the holiday its name, Boxing Day. The other theory is that Boxing Day had its origins in that same era from a church practice of putting out collection boxes to receive donations for the poor on this day.

New Year’s Spring Boxing Day

This year, one of the resolutions Beth and I made was to only keep things in our lives that still “fit” in every sense of that word. We want to eliminate the distraction of having things clutter our space that are no longer relevant, appropriate, meaningful, or pleasing.

Those of you who know us will remember that we moved about a year and half ago, and we did a major purging during that move. So this New Year’s day we found that most of what needed to go was clothing from our closets.

Few of these were actually worn out and that, combined with the ruthless pruning of our wardrobe, generated four large bags of serviceable clothes to be donated to a local charity that maintains a drop-box at the community center near our house. So in this way it seemed that we were also expressing some of the tradition of Boxing Day by giving charitably to those in need.

Out With the Old to Make Room for the New

Reflecting on this process brought my awareness to some similarities between our physical and mental wardrobes. My musing stimulated this question: If I can clean out my physical wardrobe of those items that no longer fit, feel right, or express who I have become and am becoming, why not do the same with my mental wardrobe of beliefs, concepts, self-image, etc.?

I many ways these internal and external wardrobes serve similar functions. One function they both serve is to protect us from the elements. My physical wardrobe living in Southern California may be quite different from someone who lives in Fairbanks, Alaska, but the clothes we buy protect us from the weather and help us do what we want in both places.

The mental wardrobe of beliefs, concepts, and self-image that I bought into growing up in my family, community, and social environment may be very different than the mental wardrobe you acquired during your infancy, adolescence, and beyond. But, in a similar way, they have served to protect us from emotional and psychological danger and help us do as we want as well.

Another function performed by both our physical and mental wardrobes is to convey how we see ourselves, influence how we are seen, and to create a sense of social identity so that we can fit into the communities we want to be part of.

The Clothes Make the Man, and Woman.

Mark Twain said: “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.”

Well, Lady Godiva may disagree, but wouldn’t it be great if we could just as easily bag up the emotional and psychological outfits in our mental closet that no longer fit or serve us well? And what if all we had to do to get rid of them was to simply drop them into a universal energy recycling bin somewhere? Just send them back to the great vibrating pool of energy where they’d dissolve back into that raw material that all concepts and stuff comes from in the first place.

Where might we find such a drop-box? I imagine one a place in space like the Crab Nebula I’ve seen in pictures from the Hubble space telescope, but somehow in the middle there’s a deposit shoot with a big metal handle you can pull down. And when I do it opens into the all-thing-ness of subspace.

Then I imagine standing in front of this cosmic drop-box, and being able to gather up the fabric of all of those ill fitting beliefs and self-images that are woven throughout the synapses of my mind, being able to push them into the open shoot, and then letting go of the handle.

I could even picture myself floating there for a while, enjoying a space of gratitude for being able to clear room in my mental closet. Room that will allow me to attract the beliefs and wisdom that will better help me express who I’ve become, and am becoming at this point in my life. And grateful for having created the freedom and flexibility that allows for creativity in choosing how I might express my true self in the coming year.

Change is for the Good

In thinking about this I realize that life is an ongoing process of outgrowing, shedding, discovering and adopting. I’ve shed many of the mental patterns I once had. They come and go as the scenery of my life’s journey. And, as with my physical wardrobe, sometimes I seem to cling to old mental clothing far longer than it serves me.

So, if life is a process of becoming, then I guess one kind of death is when we no longer shed our outmoded ways of thinking to make way for new ones. It’s when we stop refreshing our mental wardrobe.

For these reasons I enjoyed our New Year’s Spring Boxing Day. Now if I can just keep this awareness in mind for the rest of the year…

What creativity, imagination and a socially conscious vision can accomplish!

We just had to share this incredibly moving video by Jason van Genderen. It was shot entirely on a cellphone video camera.

Tropfest NY 2008 winner, “Mankind Is No Island”

Van Genderen created this whole film using street signs and billboards to quite literally spell out his social message. And what a message it is.

Did this touch a chord of emotion somewhere deep in your heart?

Let us know what you think.

Balancing Your Needs with the Needs of Others

Are you one of those people who constantly put your own needs at the bottom of the priority list? Do other people’s needs always seem to be more important than your own? Though many of us try to put others first, but neglecting to address our own needs is not good for us or those we are trying to serve.

Can you really get ahead in your career, your relationships, or take care of your responsibilities to family and friends if you don’t take care of your own needs?

Impossible!

Be mindful of getting overly caught up in endless busywork and constantly attending to the needs of others. You need to take care of yourself too, which includes sleeping well, eating properly, exercising, relaxing, and making sure that you maintain a healthy balance in your life.

If you’ve been neglecting yourself lately, now is the time to make some changes that will bring more peace, harmony, and well-being into your life. To do this you must first identify exactly what is most important to you, figure out which of these things may be missing, and then focus your attention on bringing more of that into your life.

Once you move past the constant frenzy of taking care of the needs of others, you will start to find yourself on the path to true happiness.

“Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you’ve imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.” ~ Henry David Thoreau

When we focus our attention on satisfying our own needs, we cannot help but grow. Living a balanced life allows us to be more creative, more successful, and enjoy a life that is full of what we love. Having all of our needs met makes us much more effective in meeting others’ needs too.

We received an e-mail today from a dear friend and we want to share her gift with you–the gift of inspiration.  Thanks Dale!

Since we in the United States celebrate the Fourth of July as our Independence Day–we thought it would also be an excellent time to celebrate all that we are blessed with, and to consider all that we could be giving to others who don’t have as much. Kind of an Interdependence Day.

WE Are The World!

We Are The World by USA For Africa
Written by Michael Jackson & Lionel Richie

We thought you might  also enjoy having the lyrics. . .

“We Are The World”, U.S.A. for Africa

There comes a time when we need a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
Oh, and it’s time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can’t go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We’re all a part of God’s great big family
And the truth – you know love is all we need

( CHORUS )
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
so let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

Well, send’em you your heart
So they know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us
By turning stone to bread
And so we all must lend a helping hand

( REPEAT CHORUS )

When you’re down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There’s no way we can fall
Well, well, well, let’s realize
That one change can only come
When we stand together as one

( REPEAT CHORUS AND FADE )

We hope you enjoy your Interdependence Day Celebrations!

Is “Expert Advice” Driving You Crazy?

We received a question from one of our community members.

She’d read Dr. Kevin Leman’s relationship advice that opposes dating after being widowed or divorced until your youngest child is at least 18 years-old, and better yet, when they are 21 or 22 and the nest is empty.

Now, this is a youthful, 50-ish woman with children far from leaving the nest, so this would mean a very long wait for her.

After reading Leman’s opinion she became very discouraged and asked if we agreed that she should wait years before seeking companionship. What is a healthy person supposed to do when they long for companionship and the “expert” says forget about it?

Our Thoughts on the Matter

As soon as we read this we knew this blog post was needed. It’s not uncommon for people to wonder what to do when an expert’s opinion seems so at odds with their own. We’ve run into this before in relation to the advice of other experts–and our answer is always the same.

One saying we love is: The shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice. But you can’t make conscious choices–even about what you hear from the experts–unless you’re very clear about what’s deeply important to YOU.

Opinions Are Like Armpits

Why? Everyone has more than one and they tend to stink if you’re not careful with them.

What we mean by being careful with your opinions is that you are conscious of them, how you’ve come to hold them as true for you, and whether or not they serve you and others in your life.

Everyone has lots of opinions, and we all generate new ones all the time. We are opinion generating machines!

Every expert focuses on particular areas that are very important to them–areas they care about deeply. This has them come up with specific strategies to help themselves and others experience what is important to them about these areas.

Dr. Leman must deeply values particular things that caused him to come up with the strategy: Don’t date after the loss of the mate until the youngest child is at least 18.

This strategy may work great for you–or it may not work for you at all. But you can’t know whether it might work for you unless you know what you hope to create in life at a core level, both with your children and with an intimate companion.

Once you understand this, there may be many other strategies that will allow you to experience what’s important to you that don’t prevent you from dating.

So What Is “Our Opinion”?

Our opinion is that you are your own highest authority. You are best served by looking within to discover what you value most about each aspect of this rather complicated situation. One way to do this is to work through one of our free Values Exercise worksheet. You can find it at:

http://www.focusedattention.com/store/thank-you/free_Values_Exercise_registration.htm

In this case we would suggest that you do a separate Values Worksheet for each aspect of the situation that’s important to you: your relationship with each child, what you hope for from an intimate relationship, etc. Then read our special report about creating conscious intentions. To find it go to:
http://www.focusedattention.com/eZine/FAI-eZine0905_Unconscious_Intentions_Running_Your_Life.htm

Then, while keeping all of the various opinions and advice you’ve received in mind, choose which strategies would work best to help you experience what you value most. After doing this, it may turn out that Dr. Leman’s approach would work best for you, or you may come up with strategies that seem more appropriate for what you want to create in your life.

But you can’t know for sure until you hear from the most important expert–YOU!

Trust yourself. You are your own best expert. The rest of us are only here to support, suggest, and offer our ideas and strategies. The rest is up to you–and that’s the good news.

With much love and respect for who you are,
Beth and Neill

Choice — Both an Opportunity and Responsibility

Every moment of every day we have the opportunity to consciously choose where we focus our attention.  It is one of the few choices that no one can take away from us.

Maybe it’s more than just an opportunity. Maybe it’s also a responsibility since what we choose impacts how we are, what we do, and ultimately who we become. And collectively, our becoming is what will become of the world.

Here’s a video that we found very inspiring, and we hope that you will too!