Why don’t people fess up when they’ve done something “wrong”?

In our work, we believe that fear of taking responsibility is a result of being “Domesticated”. We define Domestication as any Training Process that uses a system of punishments and rewards to accomplish its goals.

We enjoy how Don Miguel Ruiz describes this in his book The Four Agreements.
“Children are domesticated the same way that we domesticate a dog, a cat, or any other animal. In order to teach a dog we punish the dog and we give it rewards. We train our children whom we love so much the same way that we train any domesticated animal: with a system of punishment and reward.

We are told, “You’re a good boy or girl,” when we do what Mom and Dad want us to do. When we don’t, we are “a bad girl or boy.”

When we went against the rules we were punished; when we went along with the rules we got a reward. We were punished many times a day, and we were also rewarded many times a day. Soon we became afraid of being punished and also afraid of not receiving the reward.”

Becoming an Auto-Domesticated Animal

The domestication is now so strong that at a certain point we no longer need anyone to domesticate us. We don’t need parents, the school, or the church to domesticate us. We are so well trained that we become Auto-Domesticated animals.”

We can now domesticate ourselves according to the same system of punishment and reward. We punish ourselves when we don’t follow the rules according to our belief system; we reward ourselves when we are “good boys and girls.”

We’ve all grown up in this Auto-Domesticating culture.
(see the work of Riane Eisler: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riane_Eisler
and Walter Wink: http://www.walterwink.com/books.html)

Our culture practices judging whether we are good or bad, right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, worthy of reward or deserve punishment …

Integrity vs. Morality

This causes people to confuse Integrity with Morality. We define Integrity as: Being true to your Chosen Values and your Highest Self, vs. Morality, which is: judging the rightness or wrongness of something according to Culturally Learned moral standards. Morality is the practice of judging what’s good or bad, right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate, worthy of reward or deserves punishment.

In this culture people get Integrity & Morality mixed up so they believe that failing to act as others expect will cause them to be judged as Bad and Wrong, or worthy of punishment. So people fear the punishment that will follow from the judgments of others such as: How irresponsible / inconsiderate / selfish / stupid … or What a jerk / creep / idiot, and so on.

In this situation it’s no wonder there are so few souls willing to martyr themselves to the consequences of these moralistic judgments.

What Would You Prefer?

Given all this, it seems to us that the more important questions are: How do we move from a culture where we try and control people’s actions through fear of punishment and desire for rewards to one where we elicit the actions we want from others by engaging in a compassionate dialogue that is focused on gaining clarity about everyone’s needs in a situation (such as one where someone has acted “irresponsibly”), thereby eliciting a sincere agreement to participate together in a way that serves the highest good of everyone involved?

And as an important prerequisite: How can we gain the level of Values Intelligence needed to focus our attention on maintaining integrity with what is most important to us (at the essential, core, “spiritual” level) rather than being driven by our culturally learned, habitual thinking?

So (as a shamelessly self-promoting plug) if you find these questions intriguing you may be interested to know that much of our work is dedicated to finding practical and effective answers to these last two questions.

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“Tell me, how much a snowflake weighs?” asked a sparrow of a dove.

“Not much more than nothing” was the answer.

“Then”, the sparrow says, “I want to tell you a wonderful story:

“I was sitting on a branch of a pine tree, close to the trunk when it started to snow. Not much, not like in a storm. No, it was like in a dream, without any touch of intensity.

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“Because I did not have anything else to do I started to count those snowflakes which fell on my branch and its needles. Their number was 3,741,952.

“When the next snowflake fell on the branch – weighing not much more than nothing as you said – the branch broke.”

The sparrow did not say more.

He took off.

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The dove, which is supposed to be an authority on this topic since the time of Noah, thought a while about this story and then said to itself:

“Maybe there is only one more voice that needs to be heard for there to be peace in our world.”

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~ (received from Gitta Zimmermann, Nonviolent Communication Trainer) ~

An Interview with Don Miguel Ruiz – About The Fifth Agreement

Here is a wonderfull interview with Don Miguel Ruiz, who speaks from the heart about a new age of self help and spiritual development. Discussing his new book  The Fifth Agreement and what it could mean for humanity. This interview was created by Miriam Knight from www.ncreview.com

Enjoy!

Part 1 of 4

Part 2 of 4

Part 3 of 4

Part 4 of 4

We hope you enjoyed this series. It’s one of many great interviews you can find at this new website we just found.

Discover the New Consciousness Review

We are very happy to have found the New Consciousness Review. If you haven’t discovered them yet,  it’s time.  NCR is a fabulous resource for discovering books on enlightened living and other resources from many progressive spiritual teachers and authors.

As a FREE NCR Reader, you’ll discover timely book reviews, LIVE video interviews, best sellers, events and more.  If you’re an Author, their unique membership services let you reach readers with extraordinary ease.  We just love them and hope you do too.

We received this from a friend and wanted to share our slightly modified version with you…

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How Much for a Miracle?

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even… The total had to be exactly perfect… No chance here for mistakes.

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to the drug store. She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment.

Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!

“And what do you want?” the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. “I’m talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven’t seen in ages,” he said without waiting for a reply to his question.

“Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,” Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. “He’s really, really sick….and I want to buy a miracle.”

“I beg your pardon?” said the pharmacist.

“His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?”

“We don’t sell miracles here, little girl. I’m sorry but I can’t help you,” the pharmacist said, softening a little.

“Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn’t enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.”

The pharmacist’s brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, “What kind of a miracle does your brother need?”

“I don’t know,” Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he’s really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can’t pay for it, so I want to use my money.”

“How much do you have?” asked the man from Chicago.

“One dollar and eleven cents,” Tess answered barely audible.

“And it’s all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.”

“Well, what a coincidence,” smiled the man. “A dollar and eleven cents is the exact price of a miracle for little brothers.”

He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said “Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let’s see if I have the miracle you need.”

That well-dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neurosurgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn’t long until Andrew was home again and doing well.

Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.

“That surgery,” her Mom whispered. “was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?”

Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost….one dollar and eleven cents…plus the faith of a little child.

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Miracles and the Circle of Life

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law, but the operation of a higher law. So by acting in harmony with these higher laws it’s possible to keep miracles moving through our circle of friends!

A circle has no beginning and no end. It is connected like we are to each other. How many more miracles would we see if we all acted like we really are connected in the circle of life?

We never know how many miracles we may need in our lives, so today we share our commitment to support you in these (and other :~) ways through the work we do.

When you are feeling sad …we will help dry your tears.

When you are feeling scared …we will help comfort your fears.

When you are worried …we will help give you hope.

When you are feeling confused …we will help you cope.

When things seem darkest …we will help make them bright.

And when you are lost …we’ll help you see the light.

This is our commitment …our pledge till the end.

Why you may ask? Because you’re our friend.

Today we pass along our commitment through our circle of friendship to you.

You can pass it along to your circle of friends by your commitment to see every person you meet as a friend and every need as an opportunity for a miracle.

Then the next time you see, speak to, or e-mail someone you know you can tell them of this story about Tess, and share with them your commitment to creating miracles in the world.

We received an e-mail today from a dear friend and we want to share her gift with you–the gift of inspiration.  Thanks Dale!

Since we in the United States celebrate the Fourth of July as our Independence Day–we thought it would also be an excellent time to celebrate all that we are blessed with, and to consider all that we could be giving to others who don’t have as much. Kind of an Interdependence Day.

WE Are The World!

We Are The World by USA For Africa
Written by Michael Jackson & Lionel Richie

We thought you might  also enjoy having the lyrics. . .

“We Are The World”, U.S.A. for Africa

There comes a time when we need a certain call
When the world must come together as one
There are people dying
Oh, and it’s time to lend a hand to life
The greatest gift of all

We can’t go on pretending day by day
That someone, somehow will soon make a change
We’re all a part of God’s great big family
And the truth – you know love is all we need

( CHORUS )
We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
so let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me

Well, send’em you your heart
So they know that someone cares
And their lives will be stronger and free
As God has shown us
By turning stone to bread
And so we all must lend a helping hand

( REPEAT CHORUS )

When you’re down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There’s no way we can fall
Well, well, well, let’s realize
That one change can only come
When we stand together as one

( REPEAT CHORUS AND FADE )

We hope you enjoy your Interdependence Day Celebrations!

Choice — Both an Opportunity and Responsibility

Every moment of every day we have the opportunity to consciously choose where we focus our attention.  It is one of the few choices that no one can take away from us.

Maybe it’s more than just an opportunity. Maybe it’s also a responsibility since what we choose impacts how we are, what we do, and ultimately who we become. And collectively, our becoming is what will become of the world.

Here’s a video that we found very inspiring, and we hope that you will too!

This morning we received an e-mail from a dear friend talking about the presidential election. The suggestion in this e-mail is in harmony with what we believe and we will begin this practice tomorrow morning during our meditation. Here is our interpretation of the e-mail we received.

This election has raised much excitement, but also controversy, stress and confusion. If you are like us and the friend that we got this e-mail from, you are receiving very emotional emails and seeing news from both “sides” expressing great fear and anger, and fiercely attacking the other side.

Which man would be a better president–for our country and the world– Obama or McCain?

In our experience what you focus your attention on grows. And what we’re seeing is most people focusing on what they don’t want, their fears, and the worst possible scenarios. This focus can only bring more of this into our lives. So let’s stop focusing on what we “don’t” want and start focusing on what we “do” want.

My friend mentioned in her e-mail, and it is true for us as well, that we have seen the power of intention work wonders. In some cases, seemingly working miracles in fact. So let’s put it work to make this world a better place for everyone.

Below is the e-mail my friend received from someone today. I have no idea if the following story is true (couldn’t find it on online), and I don’t know the person who wrote this. But the idea has great merit in our opinion. And as I said above, we start tomorrow.

Received E-mail message:~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let’s join together now with the intention of meditating daily for the HIGHEST GOOD TO COME FROM THIS ELECTION FOR THE PEOPLE AND ALL LIVING BEINGS IN THE UNITED STATES AND OUR WHOLE PLANET

Good Morning Everyone,

This is a true story. I just read an article which reminded me of the power of meditation. The summer of 1988 was hot, the crime rate in the 80′s in this country was rising rapidly in the cities. A study was done in Washington D.C. and published in the Yale Journal of Conflict Resolution (32:776-812) in Dec. 1988 about the results of a meditation study conducted during that summer with the intention of reducing the crime rate in D.C. by 20%. The Police Chief in D.C. said something like it would take a snowstorm in the middle of summer to lower the crime rate. 2000 meditators committed to meditating daily for a few months with the intention of peace and lowering the crime rate in D.C. The number grew to 4000. I think they said that the population of Washington D.C. at that time was over 1,000,000 people (one million). Within 2 months the crime rate of Washington D.C. in the hot summer of 1988 was reduced by 25% with (let’s call it an average of) 3000 people meditating daily for peace!!! That means that 1/3rd of 1% of the population were able to reduce the crime rate by 25% by meditating with that intention! The Police Chief was shocked to say the least – so the story goes. In this hostile election climate and given the importance of the issues before us as a country and a planet today, Let’s join together now with the intention of meditating daily for the HIGHEST GOOD TO COME OF THIS ELECTION FOR THE PEOPLE AND ALL LIVING BEINGS IN THE UNITED STATES AND OUR WHOLE PLANET .

3% of 300,000,000 people in this country = 1,000,000 people. If each of us friends join together with the intention of meditating daily for HIGHEST GOOD TO COME FROM THIS ELECTION FOR THE PEOPLE AND ALL LIVING BEINGS IN THE UNITED STATES AND OUR WHOLE PLANET and we each invite 10 more friends then a million friends (3% of our population here in the U.S.) could join together to start meditating today! And if we all invited 10 friends who agreed to invite 10 friends then our intention would begin today!

These times are crucial for the health and well-being of Earth. Please let’s join together and do this. I KNOW THAT IF WE JOIN TOGETHER WITH THIS SHARED INTENTION WE WILL MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

I suggest 10 minutes daily until the election at least.

I ask that each of us invite at least 10 people and ask that our invitation be confirmed.

LET’S START NOW!!!!! There’s not a nano second to loose.

Love,

Diane

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We love this idea.

We believe if a large group of people focus even a small amount of attention each day on creating the highest good to come from this election for the people and all living beings in the united states and our whole planet, only good things can happen.

What do you think?

With love,

Beth and Neill

How do you deal with disappointment, pain, rejection, and the grief that these can bring?

A friend and I were talking today about this. She just called it quits with the man she was seeing and we were discussing the different ways people deal with these issues.

At one point in the conversation, I had said to her that spending time in pain is a choice. And frankly, I don’t quite get the appeal.

If I understood her correctly, I believe spending time in the pain surrounding the end of this relationship helps brings her to new depths of clarity. This clarity then allows her to move forward from that pain. So for her, the pain of disappointment, rejection and grief can be a gift that moves her forward.

For me, and–I am admittedly very cerebral–my process is acknowledging my pain, choosing to focus on uncovering the thinking causing the pain, identifying what was missing for me in the situation that caused my dissatisfaction, and then coming up with strategies that help me focus on the happiness and pleasure in my life. This is what helps me move forward. The pain of disappointment, rejection and grief can be a gift.

We both do our best to consciously move towards the gift that the pain is offering.

I’m positive there is not one “right” way. What I do know is that I often see other people spending time with their pain–delving deeply into it–but seemingly never really moving forward from it.

Coleman Barks in his book, The Soul of Rumi, said: “There is a shedding that’s healing, that makes us more alive, a grieving required to enter the region of unconditional love.

“The heat in the oven cooks us to a loaf that’s tasty and nourishing for the community. Rumi is always affirmative about grief and disappointment, mad with the YES inside all the no’s.

“Rumi eats grief and the shadow and metabolizes them into his bewildered, surrendered self, then tries to live simply and generously from there.

“Rumi said: ‘I’ve broken through to longing now, filled with a grief I have felt before, but never like this.’”

I believe the difference is being conscious about your intention.

What do you think?

With Love,
Beth

You find out more about Coleman Barks and his book, The Soul of Rumi, by going to his website at: http://www.colemanbarks.com

First of all, I dislike using labels such as “terrorist.” Labels such as these tend to dehumanize the person we’re talking about and help perpetuate a culture of “enemy images.” And “enemy images” are the driving force that perpetuates terrorism.

But to unwrap this label, let’s agree that terrorism means: “the systematic use of fear, especially as a means of coercion.” The question that comes to my mind is: How could anyone come to believe that using fear to influence someone else to do what we want is the best strategy? (Just look at the history of the Middle East if you want to see how ineffective this strategy is at truly resolving issues.)

Well, the best answer I’ve found to this question has to do with how we unwittingly adopt our culture’s beliefs and then unquestioningly act on them. I haven’t seen anyone who explains this more succinctly than this talk given by …

Dan Dennett: On ants, terrorism, and the awesome power of meme

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/dan_dennett_on_dangerous_memes.html

Here’s one of those talks that can change your view of the world forever. Starting with the deceptively simple story of an ant, Dan Dennett unleashes a dazzling sequence of ideas, making a powerful case for the existence of “memes” — a term coined by Richard Dawkins for mental concepts that are literally alive and capable of spreading from brain to brain. On the way, look out for:
+ a powerful one-sentence secret of happiness
+ a compelling insight into terrorists’ motivation
+ a chilling view of Islam
And just when you think you know where the talk’s heading, it dramatically shifts direction and questions some of western culture’s fundamental assumptions.
This Is Unmissable.

After viewing this talk, it’s not hard to understand how a dangerous set of relationship memes has hijacked most of the brains in today’s culture, and why people end up acting the way they do on “dating” and Survivor type reality shows.

Fascinating stuff! What do you think?

Committed to Your Success,
Neill Gibson

I’m glad you found us!

A Brief Personal Introduction.

I’m Beth Banning and I’d like to tell you little bit more about myself and why I’m willing to sit in front of my computer exploring the world via the Internet and write these blog posts. I love it, that’s why. I have found this to be one amazing way to investigate new things, develop my own personal understandings, and to share what I know with others.

I am a student of life. Always have been and always will be. My passion is people. I just love us! We are extraordinary, diverse magnificent beings. I’m very curious and interested in our behaviors, motivations and our interactions with one another. This is been true for me as long as I can remember.

The Road I’ve Traveled.

I clearly remember the moment that I decided there was something missing for me in the way people interacted with each other. It was in junior high school during a riot. In those days, sadly, riots were commonplace. I watched my younger brother being pushed down the stairs. This was a terrifying moment for me and also a turning point in my life. I began questioning… What is causing this? Why is everyone so angry? and my questioning has continued to this day.

Because I love people, learning and experiencing life. And I love sharing, giving and contributing anything I can to others, I have made this my life’s work. So in this blog, I will offer understandings that Neil and I have developed, I will offer practical strategies that I have personally used to create a life I love and because I continue to search I will also offer new and useful tips that I find along the way.

My Commitment To You

I offer all of this with love and to support you in boldly exploring your life, consciously choose what works best for you, and live your life authentically and with integrity for the highest good of all concerned. I believe with all my heart, if each of us take 100% responsibility for creating the life we desire, the world will be transformed from one of eat or be eaten to a world that works for everyone. Where we as human beings can live our true nature– where the joy of contributing to each other flourishes and no one goes without. I am here for you.

With love and appreciation for who you are and what you contribute to the world,

Beth