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Feeling a little stressed out?

During the holidays it tends to get a little stressful, so we decided to relieve our stress by searching the Web for funny holiday videos. We found a few we thought were quite funny and wanted to share them with you. Enjoy!

Sierra Mist Holiday Hawk

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Not the kiss you’d expect under the mistletoe…

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Dutch couple on holiday (commercial)

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Christmas light music show… how do it know?

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Beware of the Doghouse- Hilarious and pathetic at the same time!

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Hope these videos brought a smile to your face and made your day a little lighter.

With love,
Beth and Neill

Tags: christmas light, holiday stress, holidays, stress, Stress Relief

Whether You Love Them Or Hate Them

This time of year there’s always some kind of family event looming in the near future. These are supposed to be warm, good times, but it doesn’t always seem to turn out that way. Are you often left wondering if it was a good idea to go? Dreading the next “fun” event? Many times family events are just laden with difficulty and stress. Maybe your extended family includes a few difficult-to-be-with characters that keep you from really relaxing and enjoying yourself completely.

What if–this year–you could approach the situation differently and possibly even change the outcome? You might even find that you enjoy these events, maybe even start looking forward to them. How would that be? The following five steps can help you plan and survive this years family get-together.

Decide to make a difference!

You really can make changes in how you personally handle the different situations that come up when you visit family. Imagine how nice it would be to enjoy your family’s company and really relax and have a good time with them. It’s a choice that you can make, one that will improve your own experience, as well as the experience of others around you.

Step #1 - Choose your own experience

This tip refers to creating an intention. You need to decide for yourself how you want your experience to be. If you are clear about what you want, then it is easier to make that happen. Ask yourself the following question, “How could we all benefit from the experience of being together?”

If your answer to the question includes having fun, having peace and harmony, and feeling more connected to each other, then you are on the right track to changing your own experience, and the experience of your other family members. You can make the next family gathering one that is fun and peaceful, and one that even leaves you feeling more connected to your family.

Ways to make these things a reality might include being more playful with each other, and less judgmental. When things start to become difficult during a family gathering, remember what your intentions are, and how you want it to turn out.

Step #2 - Remember this truth, each person is doing the best they can

This particular step is something you might need to continually remind yourself of. It’s hard when Uncle Joe constantly complains about everything, or when your mother picks and criticizes every part of your life. Imagine if these people knew better how to create their own intentions and have more fun and peace. Do you think they would behave differently? They probably don’t like it either. Can you see how their probably doing the best they can with what they know? It is up to you, and how you react, to change the situation.

Instead of getting upset, remind yourself they are doing the best they can. To change your experience it’s essential that you concentrate on creating the outcome that matches your own intentions. While this is more easily said than done, it is possible. How?

Step #3 - Remember to not take things personally

Again, definitely easier said than done, especially when it seems like a personal attack. People say and do ridiculous stuff all the time. But, we’re here tell you that the ridiculous things they say and do–unknowingly–are an attempt to experience what they value and has nothing to do with you, you just end up being in the way.

If your mother is harping on you for not settling down and getting married, she might be worried that if you don’t have a family and the emotional security that accompanies that you won’t be happy. She is probably “Doing the Best that She Can” and saying these things because she really cares about you. But, remember, this is about what’s important to her. Don’t take it personally!

When you hear someone say something that seems like an attack, instead of reacting defensively, take a moment to think about why they would say such a thing. Wonder what is going on with the other person, rather than how you end up feeling. Remember, you are creating your own experience.

Step #4 - Understand what they’re asking for

Family get-togethers can be upsetting when people are not sure about what they want and expect from each other. Not being sure about what others want or expect can leave you feeling quite confused and uncomfortable. Often this leads to you trying to defend yourself or your situation, or possibly even to give unwanted advice.

Change these situations by looking for some clarification. If your brother is constantly complaining about not having enough money for his rent, you can clarify whether he is just venting his frustrations, looking for you to help with networking opportunities for new jobs, or asking you to borrow some money. Sometimes asking the other person how you can help, and whether they are hoping you will just listen or actually do them a favor, can really defuse a potentially volatile emotional situation.

Think about the first three steps before you start asking for clarity. Remember your intentions, remember others are doing the best they can, and don’t take things personally. Then, make a guess or offer a solution that works for you. When your brother complains about his finances, you might ask him if he’d like you to ask some business owners you know if there are any viable opportunities. You may be right with your guess about what he wants from you, but even if you are wrong, it can open the door to a more productive conversation about his financial situation, one that leads to a more enjoyable interaction, and, ultimately gets you closer to your own intentions. Either way, this leads to less stress for both of you.

Step #5 - Focus on developing your ability to be grateful

When you focus your attention on something, it tends to grow. When you notice things that are unpleasant, then your pain and suffering will grow. When you focus on things that you enjoy and things that make you happy, then your happiness will grow.

This sounds simple enough, but it does take some work on your part. Plan to enjoy your family, then focus your attention on truly enjoying them. Focus on how delicious the food smells, or the funny stories that your uncle tells that make everyone laugh. These things will help you feel grateful for your family, and grateful that everyone takes the time to get together and stay connected.

If you follow these five steps, you will quickly learn that family gatherings can be fun and peaceful, and might even leave you thinking you are glad that you went.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday season filled with love, peace and happiness,
Beth and Neill

Tags: dealing with family during the holidays, dealing with family problems, family dedication problems, family problems

Feeling stressed out?

Some days just don’t go terribly well. Your schedule gets thrown off, you easily get into squabbles with the people around you, it’s as if Murphy’s Law is running the show–anything that can go wrong, will!

When you’re having this kind of a day, how do you typically handle the stress? The way you routinely handle your stress, and the increased anxiety levels that accompanies things not going your way, is known as your stress response.

The same way your knee jerks up when the doctor taps on it, there are also particular ways you respond when you start getting stressed out.

Yours might be running straight to the freezer and climbing into a container of Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream. Or perhaps you screech at every person who crosses your path.

Your stress response takes over as that last straw breaks the camel’s back–you’ve just had enough!

How do you relieves stress?

When stress levels reach a breaking point, it’s normally too late to stop and respond from a conscious place. Start to pay attention earlier–before it’s too late. Identify methods of dealing with stress as it starts to build up, before it gets out of control.

Consider what your stress response might be. You might not have thought about it before. Perhaps you don’t even realizing when stress begins to take its toll and starts to send you into rampant, unconscious coping mechanisms.

Once you discover how you actually handle stress as it begins to tip the scales, you’ll be able to avoid counterproductive behaviors and choose healthier more satisfying outlets.

What creates change?

The next time you start to feel stressed out, keep an eye on how you are reacting in the situation. Do you explode like a bomb, devour the contents of your fridge, or do you get a knot in your stomach and began to feel physically ill?

Keep a record of your physical sensations at those times. Write down what you’re thinking and what you end up doing.

You can’t change anything you’re not aware, so the first step is to know thyself. And then find ways to react differently.

With love,

Beth and Neill

Tags: anxiety levels, breaking point, dealing with stress, stress levels, stress response

Feeling Dissatisfied?

Have you ever thought about all the time people spend grumbling about what they don’t like? Are you tired of hearing yourself and other people complain? What if all the time and energy people spent complaining could be channeled into fixing what it is that they’re dissatisfied about?

We all have complaints. Whenever we’re irritated or frustrated, it often seems like the first course of action is to complain. While it may seem that voicing our complaints is a way to relieve stress, complaining actually distracts us from the cause of our dissatisfaction and prevents us from improving the situation. Over time, constant complaining can create a feeling of hopelessness that keeps us from experiencing the happiness we seek.

“Realize that if you have time to complain about something, then you have the time to do something about it.”
~ Anthony D’Angelo

Feeling unhappy is a signal that something important-something we value-is missing in that situation. The key to finding authentic happiness is learning to dig beneath the surface complaint and discover what you value that’s missing. Then you can decide which actions you can take to do something about it.

Next time you hear yourself complaining–Stop–Identify what’s missing for you in this situation and decide on one action you can take in that moment to experience what you want. Give it a try and let us know what happens.

With love,
Beth and Neill

Tags: complaining, complaints, effects of complaining

I came across this blog post today and it reminded me of a story I heard at a personal growth seminar I took some time back. The story goes something like this:

“As hectic as life is, and with as much going on as we all have, we can tend to feel stressed out. So we do our best to eliminate the stress from our lives. Since that’s impossible we work towards as much relief from stress as possible.”

At this point in the story they took a piece of chalk and said,

“So we go about our lives trying to stay as calm as possible, evening out all of the highs and lows of life.”

That’s when they drew a straight line across the chalkboard.

__________________________________________

Then they asked, “If you were in a hospital looking at your vital signs on a monitor, what would the nurses say if they saw this straight line?”

You guessed it, a flat line means you’re dead.

If you haven’t gotten it already… the point of the story is that life has its ups and downs. And some of those ups are actually the most exciting most integrating times of our lives. And some of the downs are our best learning opportunities.

So if we’re only willing to do things where we can stay calm, then we may be missing out on some of life’s most wonderful opportunities.

And as this blog post says, short term stress can actually be healthy for you!

Short term stress is healthy - Our bodies are designed to deal with short term stress. When we are under stress, adrenaline surges within us and our immune system is heightened. Short- term stress, such as having to give a speech, has a defined endpoint, …

With love,
Beth and Neill

Tags: personal growth, term stress

Stress and Stress relief

With everything going on these days, it’s not uncommon that most of us are feeling a higher level of stress than normal. There’s a lot of great information out there about the causes of stress and how to relieve it. Here is some of what we’ve found.

Stress: Portrait of a Killer - As we’ve evolved, the human stress response has saved our lives. Today, we turn on the same life-saving physical reaction to cope with intense, ongoing stressors - and we can’t seem to turn it off. “Stress: Portrait of a Killer” reveals …

Stress Steals Important Nutrients From The Body - Hormones: Stress disrupts hormones that regulate menstrual cycles causing missed, shortened or lengthened periods. Under stress the body will actually steal nutrients as a coping strategy. These are the most common nutrient deficiencies …

Coping with Stress and Anxiety as the Market Melts Down - Rule #1: Don’t be a victim. Rule #2: Don’t wait to be rescued. Rescue yourself.

Well that’s the best from the web about stress, and stress relief today.

Until tomorrow, relax more and stress less.

With love,

Beth and Neill

Tags: causes of stress, coping with stress, human stress response, level of stress, stress and anxiety, Stress Relief, stressors

We just love the Emotional Freedom Technique and believe it is a great way to relieve stress. if you’ve never heard of it, here’s a video we found that will introduce you to this amazing technique.

Stress Relief with Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)

Visit
http://www.Tapping.com
for more Emotional Freedom Technique videos, EFT articles, and my E-Book.

Emotional Freedom Technique is a simple acupressure technique for releasing negative feelings.

You feel negative feelings in the body, so you have to go to the body to work on them.

You can release a negative feeling right now with this video. If you’re stressed you should find yourself more relaxed after this video, and feeling more able to deal with whatever is stressing you.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: How hard should I tap?
A: Tap lightly, just so that you feel it. The purpose of the tapping is to bring your attention to different parts of your body, it actually works if you just imagine tapping - as long as your attention is drawn to the right points.

Q: How can I be sure I am finding the right points?
A: Use two fingers to make sure you cover the points. Sometimes the point will ‘feel’ right, as if there is a slight indent in the skin or the point is particularly sensitive. It’s all connected so you don’t have to be 100% accurate.

Q: You have missed out points that Gary Craig teaches!
A: Yes. Feel free to tap those too, I left them out to keep the video simple and it seems to work fine without them. If you find the video doesn’t work for you, try tapping the additional points - around the top-middle of the head, and just under the armpit.

Q: Is the sequence important?
A: No. You can tap the points in any order. In fact you only need to tap one or two of the points for each particular feeling. It’s just you have no easy way to know which point so you might as well tap them all.

Q: I am a skeptic! / You are a charlatan!
A: Thanks. Tapping is perfectly explainable scientifically but it does go beyond most people’s understanding. It really does work though, and the best way to prove that to yourself is to try it and watch your negative feelings disappear.

For more info see the Introductory video which gives a bit more explanation:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=6i33V2EcVlY

Also this video shows use of an electro-acupuncture pen to show that the points have a different electrical resistence to other parts of the body:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=GCYkdK0Uol0

Hope you enjoyed the video and learned a new way to relieve your stress.

Until next time…

Beth and Neill

Tags: acupressure technique, emotional freedom technique, negative feelings, Stress Relief

Do you ever feel worried or anxious about the things that are going on in your life? Do you sometimes think about these things over and over again, not coming up with a solution–just more worry?

Worrying can become a habit that feeds your stress level. Habits are formed when you do something so often that you start doing it without realizing that you’ve even started. It repeats involuntarily.

If your anxiety ever leads to feelings of fear or hopelessness that these things will ever change, then worrying has probably become a habit that would be best for you to break, and the sooner the better.

“A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work.”
~John Lubbock

But What if it’s Not Even True?

One of the primary causes of worry is thinking you’re trapped or stuck–without any option you enjoy. Feeling stuck starts when you dwell on the things you’re worried about instead of taking action. Without taking action, you’re not giving yourself the option of doing anything but worry, and unrelieved anxiety can be the cause of intense stress.

The first action you can take to free yourself from anxiousness and worry is to ask yourself a simple question–one that can alter your perception of any situation.

“Is there anything I believe about this situation that may not be true?”

Often we’re worried about things based on what we think is true in a situation without ever verifying that our assumptions are accurate.

Question Your Assumptions

So, any time you notice you’re feeling worried or anxious, ask yourself this question: “Is there anything I believe about this situation that may not even be true?”

If nothing occurs to you, then write out a statement of what you’re worried about. And then make list of whatever you believe is true that causes this worry. You can then ask this question about each thing on this list.

Our experience is that we can always find at least one assumption we’ve made that we don’t know for certain is true.

Learn to Relax

Do this each time you find yourself rehashing an old worry and you’ll start seeing a shift in your perspective. Do it often enough and you’ll spend a lot less time worrying and experience less stress, freeing up your time and energy for more pleasurable activities.

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

Until next time…
Beth and Neill

To discover more strategies for reducing your levels of worry and anxiety, read our article:
How to Stop Worrying About Things You Don’t Want and Happily Pursue Those You Do!

Tags: anxiety, anxiousness, feelings of fear, Habits, hopelessness, relax, stress, stress level, Worrying

Difficult Conversations About Tough Issues

With everything that is going on these days–the elections fast approaching, economic worries, and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan having no end in sight–you’re bound to have a lot on your mind. Are there times you’d like to talk to someone, but feel worried about bringing these topics up for fear it will end up as a debate or even an outright argument?

This fear is the result of the Us Against Them mindset that is so prevalent in our culture. Whenever we disagree with someone, this mindset leads us headlong into intense debates or arguments in order to determine who is right and who is wrong about the issue.

Creating a WE Mindset

In order to create relationships from a new perspective–what we call the We mindset–it’s critical that we start by establishing a sense of alignment.

The process of creating alignment begins by getting clear about what’s important to everyone involved–what you each value. To figure this out you can start by asking: “How do we want to treat each other during the conversation about the issue?” and then, “How can we discover what we each value, rather than just debating our opinions?”

So instead of beginning a conversation by arguing the issue–such as whether or not we need more or fewer troops in Iraq–you try to discover what values are represented by these opinions. People with either of these opinions may each value safety, support, or perhaps predictability.

Discovering Alignment in Underlying Values

That’s the interesting thing about creating alignment. When you get under people’s opinions and get to their values, you’ll find that these are often the same. And that makes it much easier to get on the same page.

Creating this initial alignment is how you start co-creating a context for discussions where everyone’s ideas are heard and valued–where the point is to exchange ideas and gain clarity, rather than prove whose opinion is right and whose opinion is wrong.

Beginning any important conversation by creating alignment paves the way for far greater satisfaction for everyone involved, and allows for the possibility of being heard and understood about what’s really important to you.

“I now see that the major shift in human evolution is from behaving like an animal struggling to survive to behaving like an animal choosing to evolve. … And to evolve, we need a new kind of thinking and a new kind of behavior, a new ethic and a new morality. It will be that of the evolution of everyone rather than the survival of the fittest.”
~Jonas Salk Quote

Alignment is crucial if you want to enjoy the benefits of the We mindset in your relationships.

Two Questions that Ease Communication

So, before you have any important conversation, STOP and ask yourself these questions: “How would I like this conversation to go?” and, “How can we get to what we value rather than just debating our opinions?” This internal clarity will help get you focused on the We mindset prior to starting the conversation.

Then, start the conversation by letting the other person know you would like to hear what’s important to them about the topic, and let them know you’d also like to he heard and understood about what’s going on for you. Ask if that kind of conversation would be enjoyable for them as well.

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.

Until next time…
Beth and Neill

To learn more about creating alignment and how to have a life filled with joy and satisfaction, visit:
The Art of Conscious Connection

Tags: alignment, Communication, conscious choice, conversation, difficult conversations, fear, relationships, safety support

Dealing With Criticism from the Inside Out

Massive or minuscule, spoken or silence, big upsets or small irritations… Have you ever become aware of how much time and mental energy we spend criticizing ourselves? Or how stressed and horrible this internal criticism leaves you feeling? Criticize yourself long enough and you can end up feeling cynical and resigned about things ever being any different.

Where Did This Inner Critic Come from?

We are trained from a very young age that there are right and wrong ways to do things, and good and bad ways to act. So, when something happens, our first tendency is to decide if the action is good or bad, and who’s right or wrong. We learn this lesson so well that we end up judging ourselves in the same way. Consequently, when we do something that we don’t enjoy, or someone else is dissatisfied with us, we judge ourselves in the same way–as inappropriate, selfish, rude and our actions as unacceptable, uncaring, or any number of other labels.

All these internal judgments become our constant companions, our inner critic.

We have gotten so good at criticizing ourselves, we tend to miss seeing the reality of what’s happening. When we keep our attention focused on blaming, judging, and criticizing ourselves, it keeps us from being able to see just the facts of the situation. It becomes impossible for us to separate the reality from all our judgments and stories about what has happened.

“There is a gap or a space between stimulus and response, and the key to both our growth and happiness is how we use that space.”
~ Steven Covey

What Is the Hidden Gift Your Inner Critic Is Trying to Give You?

Believe it or not it is possible to hear every inner criticism as an opening–a gift–to discover what’s deeply important to you and an opportunity to get in action creating things the way you want them to be?

We believe that every criticism is an unfinished articulation of a deeply held value. Your inner critic can actually be the keys to your happiness. Once you have the skills, you can use your tricky little jail keeper to unlock the judgments holding your values captive.

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.”
~ Abraham Lincoln

Five Keys that Release Your Inner Critic and allow him or her to become Your Inner Guide

1) Download our free Values worksheet to help you identify what you value.
http://www.focusedattention.com/resources/resources.htm

2) The next time you notice yourself criticizing something you’ve done, stop and ask yourself, “How would I describe what happened if I didn’t have any criticism or judgments about it?” You can do this by pretending you are a video camera, what would the camera see?

3) Using the Values worksheet, identify what’s important to you that are missing from the situation. Some examples would include statements like: “I really want to have more FUN when I visit my family” or “I’m so tense and I want to feel more at PEACE when I come home after work.”

4) Ask yourself, “How would this situation be different if what was important to me–what I value–was present in the situation?”

5) Finally, ask yourself, “What can - I - do in this moment to help create what I want most in this situation?”

Live What You Value and You Shall Experience a Life You Love

Practicing these steps will support you in gently releasing your inner critic and allow your inner guide to blossom.

Being able to create who you are from your values is one of the outcomes people experience as a result of doing our courses. If you’re ready to learn how to do this for yourself and discover additional personal growth skills , sign up for our complementary thought provoking and motivational Weekly Action Tips eMail series at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com/cmd.php?ad=317928

Each tip offers practical advice for creating and living the life you really want.

Or visit us at: http://www.FocusedAttention.com

With love and light,
Beth

Tags: criticism, Happiness, inner critic, internal criticism, Stress Relief

What’s your perception?

Are you sure it’s a “dog-eat-dog” world and you better “look out for number one” at all costs? What if everyone could get what they want at no one else’s expense? What would the world be like then?

In most modern culture, competition is encouraged as the best way to get ahead. We’re taught early on that “winning” brings success, while “losing” is a mark of disgrace. But the dilemma is, if one person is winning, then someone else is guaranteed to be losing.

Competition results from the belief that there’s not enough to go around–if others get what they want, I can’t get what I want. While the idea of competition is so deep-seated that it appears to be the that we breathe, luckily that’s not true. We have the choice to behave creatively. In contrast to competition, a creative perspective is based on thinking strategically with the goal of finding options that everyone can be happy with.

“Creativity often consists of merely turning up what is already there.”
~Bernice Fitz-Gibbon

Imagine that creating is like having a blank canvas, where you can produce effective communication and craft solutions that will satisfy everyone. Think about how much more enjoyable life would be if everyone was working toward the same goal. With a little practice and effort, we can re-train ourselves to think in terms of creating rather than competing.

Give it a go for yourself…identify a competitive situation in your life and readjust your thinking to view it from a creative perspective. Look for solutions that will satisfy everyone involved and take action toward making them happen.

Remember, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice.
Until next week…

With Love,

Beth and Neill

To learn more about how to craft creative solutions, read our article:
The Negotiation Dance

Tags: conscious choice, creativity, effective communication, enjoyable life, happy life, negotiation

Busy Busy Busy

With as busy as we’ve been lately, we’ve decided that it’s time to take a break. next week, we’re off to Ojai California for a quiet relaxing week away. Yippee!

We are feeling extraordinarily grateful that we’re able to take this time for ourselves. Things just fell into place. We easily found someone to take care of mom, son Spenser is beginning to fend for himself :-), and we have support holding down the business fort while we’re away.

If you’re anything like we are, taking time for yourself isn’t always possible. home and business responsibilities may keep us from taking the needed rest, relaxation and playtime we so often need.

At those times how do you experience relief?

That’s why today we’d like to share an article with you from a terrific blog we found.

Zen Habits is one of the top blogs on the Internet, and covers: achieving goals, productivity, being organized, GTD, motivation, eliminating debt, saving, getting a flat stomach, eating healthy, simplifying, living frugal, parenting, happiness and successfully implementing good habits.

This particular blog post covers ways to find daily silence, which supports us in creating our–oh so needed–rest relaxation and fun.

Enjoy!

The Sound of Silence/

http://zenhabits.net

With love and a commitment to your success,
Beth and Neill

Tags: achieving goals, business responsibilities, good habits, Happiness, Motivation, productivity, relaxation, sound of silence

Got Stress in your Relationship?

Do you want to relieve some of the stress and tension in your relationships? If so… Learn the difference between reacting to a situation and responding to it. You might ask, why would this make any difference to me ?

Reacting versus Responding

We say this over and over again, the shortest path to a happy life is found through conscious choice. Almost every time I find myself upset, frustrated, or confused about my relationships, if I look close enough, I always discover that I’m reacting unconsciously to something that’s happening in the situation. This unconscious reaction has become a habitual pattern–created from my old negative limiting beliefs. When I discovered that over 50% of all my stress and tension came from the fact that I was reacting rather than responding in situations I was able to start down the path to creating more happy, healthy satisfying relationships.

So what’s the difference between reacting in responding…

In the Art of Conscious Connection eCourse, we define reacting, re-enacting past behavior based on my habitual patterns and limiting beliefs, opposed to responding–which we define as, the ability to take respon-sibility for what occurs and make conscious choices about what to do and how we want to act.

How do you begin taking respon-sibility?

The first and easiest step to start practicing responding rather than reacting is to notice how you feel–am I tense, uncomfortable, irritated… As soon as you notice any emotion that is less than enjoyable, STOP and ask yourself these questions: “Am I about to do or say something that I might regret? Is there something I want to consciously do or say in the situation that is different than I was about to do?

You might be surprised at how differently things start to go in your relationships.

As Einstein said, the definition of Insanity is, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Until next time…

with love and a commitment to your happiness

Beth

Tags: conscious choice, conscious choices, conscious connection, definition of insanity, habitual patterns, Happiness, happy life, love, Relationship Advice, relationships, stress, tension

Does it ever seem like no matter how fast you pedal you can’t get ahead of the curve? That your list of to-do’s piles up faster than you can get them done?

One of the best way to relieve stress is take the focus off yourself by volunteering to do something for someone else. Sometimes just doing one thing for someone else, purely from a place of generosity, can give you a sense of satisfaction and the joy of accomplishment that you can’t get just checking things off your own list of things to do.

It’s a fact that people feel better when they take the time to contribute to others. One recent study found that almost half of the people who perform volunteer work felt less depressed when they were volunteering. And the number climbed to over 70% when the person volunteering was using their professional experience or was volunteering in an area in which they had a strong personal interest.

If volunteering to lend your support at a homeless shelter isn’t your cup of tea, then what about helping adults learn to read, or becoming a Big Brother or Sister. Maybe it’s just helping a political candidate that you believe in. If you can’t think of anything, try this link:

www.VolunteerMatch.org/

There are a lot of different ways you can take the focus off yourself and the overwhelm of your life. First it helps to figure out what’s important to you, what you care about, or some area where you’d like to make a difference.

The point is that human beings have a fundamental desire to contribute to other people’s well-being. I believe this is genetically hardwired in us. But even if it isn’t, I’ve never seen anyone happier than when they’ve been able to joyfully contribute to another person’s well-being.

So try thinking of a way that you could lend a helping hand to someone where you could do it with the same spirit that a child has when they feed bread to hungry ducks in the pond at the park. The joy of giving is a sure-fire way to get a real sense of relief from the stress in your life.

Until next time… Committed to success,

Neill

Tags: accomplishment, generosity, stress, Stress Relief, volunteer work, volunteering, VolunteerMatch

Happiness… Want Some?

If you continue reading our blog for any length time, you’ll begin to notice that we talk a lot about happiness. What it’s is, how to get it, and how to keep it alive and well in your life. We go on about this topic as much as we do, because we believe at the base of everything–and we mean everything–is our desire to be happy. Everything we say, everything we do and everything we strive for is motivated by our longing to be happy.

Whether you’re conscious of it or not, creating happiness is what our lives are all about. So once again, today’s blog post topic is happiness and information to support you in creating more happiness in your life.

This is an amazing video from one of our favorite organizations TED

TEDTalks: Dan Gilbert (2005)

http://www.ted.com Dan Gilbert is a psychology professor at Harvard, and author of Stumbling on Happiness. In this memorable talk, filmed at TED2004, he demonstrates just how poor we humans are at predicting (or understanding) what will make us happy. (Recorded July 2005 in Oxford, UK. Duration: 22:02)

And here’s a short list of other people who are committed to creating more happiness in the world.

Happiness quotation from Virginia Woolf. - This quotation is perhaps only glancingly related to the general topic of happiness, but it’s very significant to my personal happiness. First, because September 4 is my wedding anniversary, it has special meaning; and also because when … Benjamin Barber: happiness doesn’t come from a shopping mall - Benjamin Barber argues in his latest book, Consumed: How Markets Corrupt Children, Infantilize Adults, and Swallow Citizens Whole, that the market has consumerism has begun to replace citizenship. From an interviewed in the Free Lance … Recent self-help books on happiness - Don’t forget my latest book, “100 Ways to Happiness: a guide for busy people”, available in all good book stores and at http://www.thehappinessinstitute.com/products/products.aspx?CategoryID=1. But for a review of some other (all … al3x’s Rules for Computing Happiness - Software. Use as little software as possible. Use software that does one thing well. Do not use software that does many things poorly. Do not use software that must sync over the internet to function. Do not use web applications that …

We hope this helps create more happiness in your life.

Until next time.

With love,

Beth and Neill

Tags: benjamin barber, creating happiness, Dan Gilbert, desire, Happiness, harvard, longing, personal happiness, stumbling on happiness, ted, tedtalks, understanding

What is the number one factor that causes a business to succeed or fail?

This common question has been asked by many people. From corporate giants to first-time business owners. And over and over again the number one answer is–people- the people that work there, and the people you do business with. If this is so, then how do you improve your business?

Improve Your Relationships.

The key to improving your relationships with your employees and your customers is communication– first, improving the communication with yourself which is what we will discuss in this post and then, improving the communication with your employees, coworkers, and customers, but we’ll leave that part for another post.

Before you can communicate effectively to your employees or customers, you must have a clear, focused intention. This internal communication is what you’ve told yourself about why you’re talking to the other person? What’s important to you about giving this feedback? Why are speaking to this customer? Your employees and customers will sense your intention, whatever it is.

“Leadership is practiced not so much in words as in attitude and in actions.” ~ Harold Geneen

If your intention is to create an environment of clarity, effectiveness, learning and support, how do you think your employee will respond to this intention? If your intention is to create loyal long-term satisfied customers, how do you think your customers will respond. Can you see how a clear, focused intention is easy to convey and hard to resist?

A clear intention encourages open, well-defined, straightforward communication; which, in turn, produces a powerful framework for creating long-term satisfying relationships.

What’s your intention?

Try it out … Any time you’re going to speak with someone at work, first create a clear, focused intention. Ask yourself: “What’s most important to me, about having this conversation, what do I want to create as the outcome?”  Keep your intention in mind as you’re having the conversation and watch your relationships blossom.

until next time… keep a conscious
Beth

Tags: attitude, business, business owners, business success, clarity, conversation, corporate giants, coworkers, customer, effectiveness, employee, feedback, framework, Harold Geneen, Improve, improving your relationships, intention, internal communication, leadership, person, satisfied customers, straightforward communication, Workplace

 
Like most things, how you respond to another person’s anger is probably different depending upon your relationship with them and the circumstance. At the same time, you’ll probably recognize some patterns in how you deal with anger

Do you shut down, clam up, and hope they’ll go away? Do you puff up and try to out-bluster them? Do you start explaining, apologizing, or simply flee the scene?

If any of this sound like you, then you’re probably missing the two most important parts of dealing effectively with someone else’s anger, whether it’s a minor upset or full-blown rage.

First, you’ve probably heard someone say, “They are angry at me.” or “I made them angry.” This is the first fundamental mistake most people make when dealing with anger. They falsely believe that someone else can be angry “with them” or that they “can cause” another person’s