When people are angry and focusing their anger on you it may seem that it’s about you, but it’s not. You may have done something or said something that stimulated their anger, but what they are really angry about is losing something they have or not getting something they deeply want.

Specifically you asked, do they mean the things they say. Of course because we don’t know the specifics… so please understand that the next statements can only be generalizations.

When people are angry they often say things they regret later. Is this because they didn’t mean them? We all think things that we wouldn’t intentionally say out loud. Do we mean them? Do they affect our relationships?

As we said in the article if you can get past the surface words and uncover the values hidden beneath them, the words won’t feel the same way to you.

The other thing that happens quite often when people say seemingly hurtful things–consciously or unconsciously–what they’re wanting is empathy–someone to understand how they’re feeling. Sadly this is very low-grade empathy and never very satisfying for anyone involved.

Tracy, we hope this is the quality of support you were looking for and if you would like to discuss specific circumstances we’re happy to do that with you. Please contact us privately.