Little Known Ways to Rebuild Intimacy in Your Relationship – Part 7

Seven Steps that Rebuild Intimacy – A Seven Part SeriesRebuild Intimacy

Here’s Step 7. If you missed the beginning of the series, click here: Rebuild Intimacy – Part One

Step 7: Celebrate and Renegotiate.

Okay, so far you have:
• Created a Safe Space for your Open Dialogue
• Commit to the Discovery Process
• Create a Mutual Intention
• Each started asking For What You Want
• Made agreements about who’s willing to do what and when

Now what you need to know is that either what you’ve agreed to will happen or it won’t.

This is just the truth of making agreements. The typical tendency is to get upset when an agreement isn’t kept. We have a different much more satisfying option.

We suggest, each time someone keeps an agreement, that everyone immediately acknowledge and celebrate this wonderful contribution to your relationship.

However, when some agreements aren’t kept–and some agreements are bound not to be kept–this is also cause for celebration, not the wringing of hands.

Why? Because all it means is that you weren’t as clear as you needed to be to make a successful agreement and all there is to do is renegotiate.

Don’t take it as a personal affront, all it means is that something was missing from the original agreement. Find out what prevented the agreement from being kept. After you figure out what was missing, go back to your intention and use what you’ve discovered to renegotiate the strategies and make new agreements.

Rebuilding the intimacy in your relationship needn’t be difficult. All it takes is that both parties are willing, you have resources that support you, and a mutual intention to guide you forward.

With these pieces of the foundation in place, your success in building a happy, healthy relationship, filled with love and intimacy is guaranteed.

With great love and appreciation,
Beth and Neill


Little Known Ways to Rebuild Intimacy in Your Relationship – Part 6

Seven Steps that Rebuild Intimacy – A Seven Part Series

Here’s Step 6. Make sure you don’t miss the final important step that we’ll post tomorrow. If you missed the beginning of the series, click here: Rebuild Intimacy – Part One

Step 6: Appreciation

Any time is a good time to express appreciation for what you enjoy about your relationship. But at this point–more than ever–identifying what you are grateful for and expressing your appreciation for that is very supportive. And as you move forward it helps to have a foundation of appreciation to build on.

We suggest you make a list and then express your appreciation to your partner. You’re with this person because there are things about them that you like. Things that were done that you’ve enjoyed.

This may be a bit challenging if you’re in the middle of a relationship crisis, but don’t worry… If you’re having a hard time coming up with things to appreciate, remember back to the beginning of your relationship or use the values exercised to stimulate the memories of past expressions of love.

As we said in part one, you must still believe your relationship is worth some effort or you wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble of reading this far.

Read Part 7 of this 7 part series, or sign up for our RSS feed so you will be notified automatically when it’s posted.


Personal Values and the Heart’s Intuitive Intelligence

This NEW video from our friends over at HeartMath is an overview of the amazing and vital role of the heart in our lives, and how our personal energetics shapes our social relationships and ultimately affects global consciousness.  The video is about creating Personal, Social and ultimately Global Coherence.

Where this HeartMath video talks about the intuitive nature of “heart feelings”, those familiar with our work will recognize that these feelings are generated whenever one is in resonance with that core pattern of values that are central to each person’s makeup. Our experience working with people is in complete harmony with the material presented in this new video, and we wholeheartedly recommend HeartMath’s work.

We hope you enjoy the video!

The Heart’s Intuitive Intelligence —

a path to personal, social and global coherence

 

;-)HeartMath’s mission is to facilitate a fundamental shift in health, well-being and consciousness. The focus of its triple-bottom-line mission is people, planet and profit. And what could be bad about that?

Please leave a comment below and share whether you rely on your heat’s intuitive sense as described in this video and if so, how you have developed or nurture this ability.

 


Little Known Ways to Rebuild Intimacy in Your Relationship – Part 5

Seven Steps that Rebuild Intimacy – A Seven Part Series

Here’s Step 5. Make sure you don’t miss any of these important steps. We’ll post one a day for the next two days. If you missed the beginning of the series, click here: Rebuild Intimacy – Part One

Negotiate, Don’t Compromise

Some experts say that compromise is what’s needed to create a healthy relationship. We believe that understanding the difference between negotiation and compromise plays a big part in being willing and able to stick with the process we suggest here.

In our opinion compromise starts from an “Us Against Them” mindset. The process begins with everyone identifying what they want. Then they find out who’s willing to give up what parts of what they want until everyone seems to be willing to settle for what’s left.

This is a recipe for frustration and resentment. Compromise is grounded in the belief that there isn’t enough to go around, so you have to settle for whatever you can get.

Negotiation, on the other hand, is grounded in a “We” mindset. It starts by finding out what everyone values and what is missing for each person in a situation. Then, while they stay focused on concrete ways that each person can get what they value, strategies begin to emerge that make it possible for everyone to be satisfied, without the need for any compromise.

Negotiation requires that each person remain totally committed to giving up nothing they value, while at the same time maintaining an equal commitment to give up any particular strategy that would prevent the other person from experiencing what they value.

We suggest you look at each of the values in your mutual intention and identify actions each person is willing to take in order to bring those values to life in your relationship. Then rethink every action that doesn’t create the intention for both of you.

Remember don’t compromise–never do anything that you don’t really want to do. Stay true to yourself and the process.

Read Part 6 of this 7 part series, or sign up for our RSS feed so you will be notified automatically when it’s posted.


Some of Our Favorite Inspirational Books

Inspirational books

We just love receiving good recommendations, whether it’s for restaurants, movies, great books, or whatever.

Over the years we’ve been asked what books we have enjoyed reading and have made a big difference in our lives, so we thought we’d start putting a list together for you. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but here are five of the ones that make our ‘favorites’ list.

 

1. The Art of Possibility: Transforming Professional and Personal Life by Benjamin Zander

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Presenting twelve breakthrough practices for bringing creativity into all human endeavors, The Art of Possibility is the dynamic product of an extraordinary partnership. The Art of Possibility combines Benjamin Zander’s experience as conductor of the Boston Philharmonic and his talent as a teacher and communicator with psychotherapist Rosamund Stone Zander’s genius for designing innovative paradigms for personal and professional fulfillment.

The authors’ harmoniously interwoven perspectives provide a deep sense of the powerful role that the notion of possibility can play in every aspect of life. Through uplifting stories, parables, and personal anecdotes, the Zanders invite us to become passionate communicators, leaders, and performers whose lives radiate possibility into the world.

 

 

 

2. The Soul of Money: Reclaiming the Wealth of Our Inner Resources by Lynne Twist

 

This unique and fundamentally liberating book shows us that examining our attitudes toward money—earning it, spending it, and giving it away—can offer surprising insight into our lives, our values, and the essence of prosperity.

Lynne Twist, a global activist and fundraiser, has raised more than $150 million for charitable causes. Through personal stories and practical advice, she demonstrates how we can replace feelings of scarcity, guilt, and burden with experiences of sufficiency, freedom, and purpose.

In this Nautilus Award-winning book, Twist shares from her own life, a journey illuminated by remarkable encounters with the richest and poorest, from the famous (Mother Teresa and the Dalai Lama) to the anonymous but unforgettable heroes of everyday life.

 

 

 

3. Finite and Infinite Games: A Vision of Life as Possibility and Play by James P. Carse

 

“There are at least two kinds of games,” states James P. Carse as he begins this extraordinary book. “One could be called finite; the other infinite.”

Finite games are the familiar contests of everyday life; they are played in order to be won, which is when they end. But infinite games are more mysterious. Their object is not winning, but ensuring the continuation of play. The rules may change, the boundaries may change, even the participants may change—as long as the game is never allowed to come to an end.

This book had a profound impact on how we see the world and or choices in it.

 

 

 

 

4. Power vs. Force: The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior (Revised Edition)
by David R. Hawkins

 

David R. Hawkins details how anyone may resolve the most crucial of all human dilemmas: how to instantly determine the truth or falsehood of any statement or supposed fact.

Dr. Hawkins, who worked as a “healing psychiatrist” during his long and distinguished career, uses theoretical concepts from particle physics, nonlinear dynamics, and chaos theory to support his study of human behavior.

This is a fascinating work that will intrigue readers from all walks of life!

 

 

 

 

 

5. Urban Shaman by Serge Kahili-King

 

If you have ever been interested in the art of shamanism this book is uniquely suited for use in today’s world, Hawaiian shamanism follows the way of the adventurer, which produces change through love and cooperation, which is in contrast to the widely known way of the warrior, which talks about solitary quests and conquest by power.

In this book you’ll discover how to:
• Interpret and change your dreams
• Heal yourself, your relationships, and the environment
• Cast the shaman stones to foretell the future
• Design and perform powerful rituals
• Shapechange
• Make vision quests to other realities

 

 

We hope you check these out and, if you’re inspired to read them, that they are as meaningful and supportive to you as they have been for us.


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